A Dedication To My Inspiration

AN INSPIRATION

Many things have come together over time to inspire me on this path. There have been dear friends like Dean who have been my spiritual guide and teacher for a long time. I've had his guidance gifted in a way that I could accept without being cynical. Geoff Thompson, who, via Dean, has been a generous teacher - holding up a mirror to my face, for grasping the truths that have been right under my nose - seen but not actioned until now. My work situation over the last six years has been my main conduit for change and the tragic ending to 2014 my call to action.

Not Forgotten
Toby Allnut was just 40 years old when he took his life. It was a tragic coming at a the end of a particularly tough year in my place of work, News UK. The date has a lot of significance for me as I'd just returned from a much needed break and this first day back at work, cemented my commitment from that day forward, the need for creating a new life for myself. While I had been away on this holiday, I'd acknowledged how my depleted my mojo was and how lost my soul had become. I recognised in myself where my lack of enthusiasm, almost non-existent empathy and depleted desire for doing anything, was causing a potential spiral away from my true self.

The fact that it had taken this long for me to see what had been right in front of my face for so long - and the inability to make the changes that were needed for this new path, was a revelation. It had only come while I had some time to myself for reflection and headspace for hatching plans for the new year.

Coming home to this tragedy - the death of a well liked man seen by all as very happy go lucky - with everything seemingly going well for him, was a clear indication of how some people are beyond seeing the problems before it's too late. For me, the similarities between me and Toby were a wake up call for action. I hadn't fallen to far, but I was definitely getting dragged down slowly and surely into a darker place, which may have manifested in a breakdown, illness or worse in months or years to come.

Out Of Control
A friend of mine came home to a note saying 'Leave your job - or I leave you'. It was from his wife who had seen his character and mood change for the worse. He couldn't see tnhe changes in himself and didn't leave his job. But a few days after, when he woke on a beach wearing his suit, he realised that his mind was out of control. He didn't remember getting to the beach nor why he was there - but his worrying belief, which surfaced some days after, was that he was going to walk into the sea. He immediately left his job and hasn't really worked since in the same realms - ie. a high paced and stressful environment. He's had to find other ways to pay the bills.

This friend's story has been yet another inspiration and realisation for me that without proper help or support from friends, family and loved ones - something a lot of people don't have available to them....especially single men, we can all lose control of our lives and not even our even knowing it.

So, thank you to all my inspirations - especially you Toby - I could have missed my calling or given it just a fraction of the dedication that it really needed. You won't be forgotten.