The Twilight Zone

DEAD CALM

The dead of night comes in that quiet time, at around 1-3am. When most are deep in sleep, the conscious and subconscious mind will be working on the events of the day to make sense of them, categorising and storing fresh memories. It's also known as the twilight zone.

“There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call the Twilight Zone.”

While The Twilight Zone is also an American TV series that ran from 1958-2003, it is also a time in the still of night when we can wake from sleep feeling confused, anxious, afraid or sometimes, if we're fortunate, calm and with a clarity of thought that helps us to make sense of the moments we've missed or misunderstood from the day. This can even bring up regressed and forgotten thoughts from much deeper in our past too. These 'penny dropping' moments can bring about life-affirming revelations and wisdom. Often, any troubling thoughts/problems we've been dealing with on a subconscious level, can rise to the surface where we 'discover' them. This phenomena occurs while our conscious mind and ego - which has been masking these thoughts, is dozing, and therefore at that moment unable to hide them from us any longer.

We need good quality sleep to allow the brain to function well working on these subconscious thoughts and without the intervention of our ego. Sleep runs in cycles where we allow deep sleep and REM sleep to help make the necessary repairs to body & mind. Having adequate time for quality sleep, will allow us feel physically rested and help to sort information/store memories for better brain function. 

According to Chinese Meridian Medicine, our bodies also have times in the day when our organs make repairs. It's around 1-3am that the liver will purge itself. Hence why eating certain types of food or drinking alcohol, can affect our sleep patterns and why we sometimes find ourselves awake in the dead of night feeling anxious.

Fears & Confirmations

It's ok to come out of our sleeping cycles, providing we can get back to sleep again. Eating certain foods can incite more lucid dreams or wake us to an altered and hyper aware enlightened state. Identifying the right foods for creating a peaceful and wise mind state, will help connect with the subconscious like I did in this most recent experience. Last night, after a light meal of grilled Salmon and stir fried vegetables (which contained fresh chilli's - a stimulant), I woke to some thoughts that have been playing over in my subconscious. 

Exactly a week ago after consuming a lot of alcohol, I woke at this time but with bouts of anxiety. But on this occasion, when I woke, my mind was calm and clear. I realised that my fears of last week - the fears of:

– Not being able to take this year's daily findings which I've learned about myself, anywhere beyond this blog - ie. successfully pass on to others and write a book. 

– How my friends and family are perceiving me - all waiting patiently for something amazing to materialise from this exercise or my return to the previous life - one of normality and conformity.

My fear of failure. The fear which stops us from even trying. That voice which says 'Who are you?' and what makes YOU so special? These fears, are still there with me - as they will also be with you too. They are the same fears that faced me at 5am with a blank page on the first day of 2015 and have whispered to me every morning since - yet I have continued to take the blind steps every day into the unknown.

So my calming thoughts at 3am last night were confirmations. They told me that it's not a race - it's a journey that will take time. It might take me a lifetime - as it did Nelson Mandella to transform himself from an angry man to one motivated by love and a leader who understands the importance of humility. But, I have realised this anew and will write this into my affirmations journal, which I carry with me at all times, to reassure me on the next dark night when fearful thoughts arise again. It's also taught me that any failures of mine along the way (my Yoga 1 course that needs redoing), just as those who failed the SAS training at the last hour in the Channel 4 series that I watched this week tell me - you have to pick yourself up and keep going forward. No retreat - no surrender!

Not Good Enough

UNDERESTIMATING OURSELVES

Some people have an over-inflated perception of their abilities. They are usually the ones who speak up the most in meetings, talking over the top of others and pushing through ideas not nearly as well thought out as those who are quietly sitting back, often afraid to speak up because they have a lower opinion of their own capabilities.

Impostor Syndrome
This is a common affliction that many women in high-powered positions seem to get, which I'm sure a lot of men also have too, but just don't talk about it as much.

I find myself being more modest than I should be and with some serious time for reflection this year, I can see where my expertise has been tucked away from view - even from myself.

This is very likely why I haven't had enough praise to reinforce the fact that I am bloody good at what I do. Some 'unsung hero' modesty is great for gaining respect as nobody likes the show-off but we all need to advertise/market our worth more if we want all the fame and fortune that it can potentially bring us. There are many well known business leaders and famous personalities out there that are constantly living in fear they will be found out for being a fraud.

There are some clever ways that we can deal with these inner Demons. One method is to speak up about these insecurities, which in turn, will help us take control of these fears of being a fraudster and help us to tackle the crippling self-doubt face on.

Battling Fear

FACING DOWN OUR FEARS

Fear is a very powerful emotion. When fear rises up in us it can take over all other thoughts and render us helpless. Overcoming these fears can be very tough to face up to, but simply 'removing ourselves' from the thoughts, by using a breathing meditation technique, where we can observe the thoughts as they happen, we can then see them for what they are - just thoughts.

While driving down to the South of France this weekend, I became very fearful. I was about to compete in the Megavalanche race which is a crazy downhill mountain bike event full of multiple hazards and potential for injury or death. I have been in many situations before on mountains where there is potential for such injury - but I've been younger, fitter, stronger physically and more experienced. Mountain biking is something I understand the physics of, know what the equipment is capable of but something I have only a small experience of doing and certainly not in a competitive arena before. I was beating myself up. Why am I doing this at 43, what am I trying to prove, do I want to risk being out of work or paralysed, will my girlfriend leave me, where will I get the money to pay the bills, how will I look to my friends when I can't do the race or if I'm airlifted off the mountain?

Nobody knew I was having these thoughts. I was entertaining them coming and going as I engaged in other conversations with my friends. And when I got a quiet moment, I switched over to being the observer in my head and just witnessed all the fear, paranoia and misery fight for attention. I actually found it quite amusing seeing these multiple facets of my mind being so blindly assured of their states of being, yet here I was, completely calm hearing them out until they exhausted themselves and went quiet. How refreshing to see these thoughts for what they are. They aren't who I truly am and by rising above them, they don't define me but merely fire off for a bit and then disappear.

When it came to the day to qualify and race - I was completely calm and ready. My self confidence and trust in my abilities were restored to the point where I managed to gain a lot of ground on the others in my race. And had I not gotten a puncture, would have put in a really good time, I'm sure. It's likely I'll compete again in the future but even if I don't, I know I have what it takes and this mindset and the technique for tackling fear can be applied to anything we do in life.

Observation
There are many techniques for facing up to our fears. Understanding where they come from through getting to know ourselves better will really help. To really fight them takes a lot of courage. Practicing the technique of removing oneself from fearful thoughts by observing as a third person as Geoff explains in this video, was something I'd heard spoken to me before, but suddenly appeared as a revelation this time I heard it. Once again I'm amazed at the timing that Geoff's wisdom comes through to me.

This video arrived in my inbox the day after my races and confirmed what I already learned to be true. Hearing these wise words from Geoff, who has been spending many years training and learning these observation plus other self mastery techniques, made me feel really pleased at my progress over the last 6-7 months. I've grown as a person in such a short period of time. And this is something we are all capable of achieving if we desire and allow it to happen.

Fear should not be given the power to take a hold of us. But by being courageous and harnessing this powerful emotion correctly, we can use this force to make us stronger and elevate us towards further greatness.

Behind The Mask

KNOWING WHAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT

We place great significance on the tasks we perform daily. The actions we take are used as a gauge for determining our happiness and success. Small wins and easily fixed problems are like little boosters for our soul. They bring meaning and purpose to our lives.

Dealing with minor 'problems', leads us to believe we're being useful in some way. They come to define us. By becoming the 'solutions' finder, we feel important...necessary. If we can identify/fix these problems, and in the process, shift blame to take responsibility for someone else's alleged failings, it helps us feel like we're really tackling what life throws our way. In the process, we offload some pent-up frustration as we continue to divert our nagging attention away from the bigger issues.

Often, far higher levels of importance are placed on these adopted menial problems to better prioritise above and/or mask the real issues at heart. They get actioned first, when in fact they should feature way down the list or hold no significance at all.

Acknowledging what's really important in our lives and placing them near the top on the to-do list, will often uncover masked feelings of frustration and fear. These suppressed emotions keep us from facing life's realities and ultimately stop us from being our truer selves. The challenges can be tough - hence why we tend to sweat the small stuff instead.

Many people place far too much importance on the trivial. They build up strong fixed ideas of right and wrong. These fixations help distract their minds away from what they really should be thinking about ie. what's really important in their lives. The stronger the fixations, the more they are hiding the truth from themselves. Deep down, they are unhappy.

Focussing on the niggles & gripes or little wins & losses, may appear to be an easier mental state to be in. Stressing about the trivial rather than focussing on relationship health, personal growth, physical wellbeing and job/financial satisfaction, can be much easier to deal with in the short term. Busying ourselves with small stuff leaves little or no time to address the much needed life management.

Burden Management
Filling our days with distractions, will help hide the truth from us. It could be said that having children also moves focus away from the self. Having kids can nicely tie up the mind for 20+ years. It's possibly why so many chose to have them when their relationship is starting to wane, only later opting to separate when looking after children ceases to be such a strong distraction.

So having no children and fewer worries to tie up the brain, allows much more time to look inward. This makes for an uncomfortable mindset. It can feel like a heavy sack weighing you down. But, being mindful of this sack is far better than denying it's there. Acknowledging what we're carrying, stripping away what we don't need and managing the weight as best as we can - this will bring happiness. Because, if we allow it to happen, this baggage will become heavier over time and eventually wear us down - it will stop us from moving forward. This is where depression is rooted. 

Lose the Mask

It's when we come up against people with such strong fixated ideas of right and wrong, obsessive attributes on matters like overly-strict time keeping or having strong emotional reactions to seemingly menial concerns, that we should be aware of possible underlined deep rooted issues placed at the heart of these controlling behaviours. 

If we allow it, we can become these broken people. We need to face our demons to overcome them and not just block them out with trivia or create fixations on nonsense. These monsters break through at our lowest ebb, like when we're tired, numbed from too much alcohol or later in life when the burden of carrying the load becomes too much to take. Don't allow these gremlins to grow - be brave and start today. Drop the meaningless and focus on what's important instead. 

Pain Threshhold

LEAVING YOUR COMFORT ZONE

If we want to make improvements in anything we choose - one has to constantly push the boundaries. This means being out of our comfort zone a lot of the time.

It's fear of the unknown that makes us want to stay in a familiar place. Go with what you know, as they say. This is fine to a degree, but I propose that we should be actively learning all the time. If it's the not knowing that makes us feel uncomfortable - we just need to know it to beat the fear. Be it learning a new job, language, visiting a different country/place or training for fitness - we have to keep ourselves away from the easy known path and on to the one of discovery if we want to expand our horizons.

Small Achievements Lead To Bigger Ones 
We have been doing a little morning routine every day that helps prepare the body and mind for the day. Part of the exercise routine includes doing some 1 minute 'planks'. These are relatively easy to hold, but doing three in a row is tougher. The other day, my partner and I missed a set and decided to do six in one go to make up for the ones missed. That was a big decision at the time - suggesting we double what we'd been doing already, seemed too arduous a task! Thing is, once we'd made it to five, the sixth one was really easy compared to how number three had been feeling the day before. This is because we moved the goal. The focus was on six and number three, which was now only half way, flew past as we dug in and pushed towards the final number six. This was an eye-opening revelation.

Don't Underestimate Yourself
We were so surprised at how much easier six planks had been in relation to three that it's now six planks every morning as the norm - and this quota will be re-assessed again as we get used to six over time. This is the right mentality for success and exactly how people who don't push boundaries, get stuck in their ways. They underestimate their potential. Sticking to what we know and do well means we'll never progress and rise above the norm.

Break Habits To Form New Ones
Start small and see what differences can be made by just changing simple everyday tasks, things like - the route you take in every day to work, the places you go to eat and even the clothes you wear. Create new patterns of routine, break cycles of tasks that you do unconsciously every day and try things differently. This will create a more open mindset, free us up to a new way of thinking and put us on a path of discovery away from the comfort zone.

On The Rocks

RISK MANAGEMENT

I've always been an adventurous sort. As a kid, I'd scare the life out of my mum doing crazy (to her) things - ie. climbing up high and balancing on ledges. My childhood was filled with things that, had my poor mum seen me doing them, she'd have had a fit, I'm sure. Things like climbing 13 floors on the outside of a building at 12, jumping across the gap at the top and riding on top of the lifts - just to name a few.

Rocky relationship
So, we're in St Ives, Cornwall where I've been coming every Easter since I was a little kid. The town is on a sort of island - surrounded by rocks, which you can navigate to get to the other beaches. In the glorious lo-tech 70's and 80's, we had arcade games for a bit of a treat at the seaside, otherwise, we had to make our own fun with whatever we could find - and a lot of it was on and around these rocks. My brother and I were just reminiscing about our time here as children this morning, telling my niece and nephew about how we'd never been bored as kids.

We headed back from Carbis Bay Hotel after a lovely (boozy) family lunch and I suggested to my girlfriend that we take the rocks round, like my younger brother and I did at 12 & 8 years old - and join another walkway that takes us up the cliffs, back to the other adjoining beach just half a mile away. 

It was on the first tricky bit, that I realised my other half's abilities to climb slippery rocks was not as highly adapted as my own, but mercifully, with a bit of assistance, helped her to get around a potentially dangerous portion of the rocks. We'd managed to get around another couple of edgy bits - my girlfriend's three pint confidence helping her to beat the fear of serious injury or death, when we came to a really precarious and slippery part. Then it came back to me how I'd got my 8 yr old brother to do this section. It was pretty hairy looking at this now, even as a grown man - and I still enjoy dangerous pursuits like rock climbing for fun. What were we thinking!?

In the end, I had to get us up a different, equally steep and precarious cliff back to the path and safety - where we embraced and laughed about our recent brush & victory with death! The relationship was saved after all...

The tech-kid generation 

The kids never did get to play on the rocks. They weren't even allowed to stray out of mum & dad's sight for the whole trip. They were bored unless on an iPhone or in the arcade - they couldn't make their own fun. It's a very sad modern-day situation. 

I'm so glad I grew up in a different, more free-to-roam age. Kids should be allowed to explore more and we need to encourage it more. It's important for their characters to form properly. Otherwise, how will they ever find the metaphorical rocks needed to help them grow.

Standing Up For Yourself

BEAT THE BULLIES

Bullying is ugly and it happens more than you realise. You'll probably think back to that bigger kid at school as the last time you felt it but it comes in many forms. It can be from groups of people, your boss, government agencies, even people closest to you like your parents/children or husband/wife. It's really not nice when you are on the receiving end and if left un-challenged, can really wear you down and destroy your self-esteem/confidence to the point of no return. Bullies favour the weaker push-over, so to win - you have to stand up to them.

My First Time
I was quite popular at junior school. It was a decent school and I got on with pretty much everyone that I can remember. There were the odd occasions where I'd had to stand up to a bit of abuse but it was usually handled by a teacher and never amounted to much. It was only when I attended senior (secondary) school that the real bullying took place. It was evident that the differences in backgrounds from the many kids - some of them from tough areas of London, were able to handle a lot more abuse than the soft-skinned types like myself. When you're a 13 year old boy, you're going through a lot of changes physically, mentally & emotionally. One minute you're playing on your BMX bike - then suddenly, you're faced with making decisions for making the switch from boy to man.

My switch happened almost overnight. I'd been a studious kid and my grades were good, so I sat with the other kids that were willing to learn. This put me on the receiving end of some unwanted attention from the back of the class, from some of the kids that were known to be bullies. Suddenly, I was in the cross fire of one particular boy, aptly named Damien. He used to punch, trip, kick, spit on and generally hassle myself and the other bookie/studious types. Coming from a family of five older brothers and being about six months older, meant he was a lot tougher and bigger. One day, he'd been particularly savage with his antics and the 'camel back-breaking' moment came after a cowardly punch in my kidneys. I'll never forget the feeling as I turned, grabbed him by the throat, pushed him over a desk and punched him in the eye in front of the whole class. While I don't condone violence - this was likely the only retort to work with this abusive kid. He was so shocked that I'd retaliated with such force, that he took ages to register what had happened. Once he'd come back to his senses and witnessed everyone looking on, he regained some composure and threatened to 'kill' me. But as I stared back at him, looking squarely in his newly blackened eye, I could already see, his power over me had gone.

Standing Tall
If we do nothing to stand up to our bullies, they will take over our lives. They will drain your power and erase your self-confidence. From the day after facing my fear of standing up to the bully, my stature changed. I grew. I became respected. I became powerful and the bully shrank away. He lost his influence to stike fear in others and ended up being one of the bullied himself. I hope he finally addressed his insecurities and grew strong again, learning from his experience and using his new powers to help rather than hinder others going forward.

Career Off Track
I now find I'm in a similar situation with a career change looming. I'm fearful of the future but excited for what it may bring. I'm holding in my core that feeling I had when I turned to face my demon and will relish the power I'll have after tackling it face-on.

Worry Is Worthless

FEEDING YOUR FEARS

This is a phrase I heard Geoff Thompson say in one of his promotional videos that I watched again this morning. I was reminded of Geoff again last night when meeting up with a group of friends. My mate Chris, who found Geoff a great inspiration in his life, has encouraged me to look into Geoff's journey a bit more and he's lending me some of his books to read. I will make sure to give more money to homeless people, who need more help than ever at this time of year - doing charitable deeds is my way of giving back when I've taken something for free...

Geoff has come from humble beginnings and established himself today as a great inspirational speaker. I watched one of his videos again this morning and already there are lessons - along with some great positives that I've added to my thinking for the day and will come back to watch this video again and again to help really cement these learnings into my mind.

There is so much great wisdom contained in just this one short video clip - make sure you get a quiet moment to sit and watch this properly in order to really take in what he's giving us. This is a regular guy like you or I - someone who is constantly looking at himself and making improvements along the way - creating a new, improved life for himself and helping those around him. Unlike so many of the self-help gurus - who seem to make their fortune from being self help gurus...Geoff isn't just recounting others' ideas, he's a successful writer and master of martial arts - and by practicing what he preaches, has managed to make considerable changes in his life.

The other great thing is - if you join up to Geoff's newsletter - you get a free e-book too!

Two things that have stuck in my mind this morning:
Cause & Effect. Every single thing we do has an effect on the world around us. Our positive actions are going to affect those around us and ultimately move us to a better place. If we take on negatives, we're going to be affected and that will in turn have a knock-on effect with everyone else.
Expansion through contraction. Evaluating where we are and what's around us - stripping away everything that is not helping us to grow will enable us to get to our true selves. It will make people around us uncomfortable but those elements that are not part of our journey will fall away and others that are, will gravitate towards us.

The quietness in these early mornings, I'm contemplating where I want to go. I have my lists, my various tasks and reminders etc. - and they all seem very near to me in my present field of vision - but nothing here seems to point very far from my current position on or where I want to go. I already know the direction I want to go in - fulfilment through doing the things that I enjoy and ultimately benefit myself and others. I've made a decision to go on this adventure - but where am I going? The steps definitely feel like they are being made in the right direction, but not knowing where I will end up or have a clear journey of how to get there and when, has caused some concern and a bit of negative/cynical thoughts in the back of my mind. My horizons are not yet in view and I have no clear ultimate goal - so I'm taking blind steps...where?

The Steps To Self Mastery
Geoff says that when he looks at his former self, he doesn't recognise the person from where he is now. And that's because he's slowly shed his skin and formed a new identity. He's achieved this by going from A-B, from B-C etc. and not worried about where Z is or how to get there - he's taken steps to self mastery by working consistently and daily – and he has kept his imagination open. It's by recognising and facing up to his dark demons/fears - and using alchemy within to convert that energy for producing his best work. So, if by researching, learning and re-discovering - writing down a journal and retaining positive improvements (no matter how small they are), I'm making a small % change in the right direction - I too will be looking back at my former self in time, and from a place I've chosen to be in, by taking the many small steps in the right direction steps, that are required for making the change.