The Twilight Zone

DEAD CALM

The dead of night comes in that quiet time, at around 1-3am. When most are deep in sleep, the conscious and subconscious mind will be working on the events of the day to make sense of them, categorising and storing fresh memories. It's also known as the twilight zone.

“There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call the Twilight Zone.”

While The Twilight Zone is also an American TV series that ran from 1958-2003, it is also a time in the still of night when we can wake from sleep feeling confused, anxious, afraid or sometimes, if we're fortunate, calm and with a clarity of thought that helps us to make sense of the moments we've missed or misunderstood from the day. This can even bring up regressed and forgotten thoughts from much deeper in our past too. These 'penny dropping' moments can bring about life-affirming revelations and wisdom. Often, any troubling thoughts/problems we've been dealing with on a subconscious level, can rise to the surface where we 'discover' them. This phenomena occurs while our conscious mind and ego - which has been masking these thoughts, is dozing, and therefore at that moment unable to hide them from us any longer.

We need good quality sleep to allow the brain to function well working on these subconscious thoughts and without the intervention of our ego. Sleep runs in cycles where we allow deep sleep and REM sleep to help make the necessary repairs to body & mind. Having adequate time for quality sleep, will allow us feel physically rested and help to sort information/store memories for better brain function. 

According to Chinese Meridian Medicine, our bodies also have times in the day when our organs make repairs. It's around 1-3am that the liver will purge itself. Hence why eating certain types of food or drinking alcohol, can affect our sleep patterns and why we sometimes find ourselves awake in the dead of night feeling anxious.

Fears & Confirmations

It's ok to come out of our sleeping cycles, providing we can get back to sleep again. Eating certain foods can incite more lucid dreams or wake us to an altered and hyper aware enlightened state. Identifying the right foods for creating a peaceful and wise mind state, will help connect with the subconscious like I did in this most recent experience. Last night, after a light meal of grilled Salmon and stir fried vegetables (which contained fresh chilli's - a stimulant), I woke to some thoughts that have been playing over in my subconscious. 

Exactly a week ago after consuming a lot of alcohol, I woke at this time but with bouts of anxiety. But on this occasion, when I woke, my mind was calm and clear. I realised that my fears of last week - the fears of:

– Not being able to take this year's daily findings which I've learned about myself, anywhere beyond this blog - ie. successfully pass on to others and write a book. 

– How my friends and family are perceiving me - all waiting patiently for something amazing to materialise from this exercise or my return to the previous life - one of normality and conformity.

My fear of failure. The fear which stops us from even trying. That voice which says 'Who are you?' and what makes YOU so special? These fears, are still there with me - as they will also be with you too. They are the same fears that faced me at 5am with a blank page on the first day of 2015 and have whispered to me every morning since - yet I have continued to take the blind steps every day into the unknown.

So my calming thoughts at 3am last night were confirmations. They told me that it's not a race - it's a journey that will take time. It might take me a lifetime - as it did Nelson Mandella to transform himself from an angry man to one motivated by love and a leader who understands the importance of humility. But, I have realised this anew and will write this into my affirmations journal, which I carry with me at all times, to reassure me on the next dark night when fearful thoughts arise again. It's also taught me that any failures of mine along the way (my Yoga 1 course that needs redoing), just as those who failed the SAS training at the last hour in the Channel 4 series that I watched this week tell me - you have to pick yourself up and keep going forward. No retreat - no surrender!

Dream Catcher

TAKING THE BAIT

Many moons back, when I travelled around Australia, we took a trip on a boat around the Whitsundays. After almost a year of backpacking, I'd become pretty savvy and a dab hand at sniffing out the best options in terms of how to negotiate lower prices for accommodation or buy a vehicle to drive a thousand miles and sell after at a profit - things like that.

It's basic economics. When the supply outweighs the demand - there's always a bargain to be had. And when there's a thriving market place - in this case, the backpacking one, to get a bit of cut through - there's always going to be a couple of rip-off merchants around selling the dream. The Whitsunday's was the first time I encountered the 'Big Hook'. 

Sailing the Dream

So, we knew the Whitsunday's were amazing. We'd also learned there were quite a few boat companies around and some had more premium offerings that you could get a deal on at the last minute. We only had a limited window for our trip but we were warned not to make a rash decision. The advice was to shop around and get the best value because some of the budget boats were rammed full of drunken teenagers, offered terrible food and were pretty unpleasant (unless you were an 18 year old drunk who knew no better). Thing is, once you're on a boat, that's it for a few days. So it was really important to get this right.

The entrance to the port was teeming with sales people, showing prices/pictures and all competing to fill their boats for the trip the next day. We were caught between a couple of young guys who were trying to convince us to take their premium packages. The prices were over double what the budget ones were. I wanted something premium near the budget price and I figured they would eventually concede to our requests as it got near the end of the day. It was a matter of waiting it out. We were walking closer to the port, playing it cool with these two guys fighting for the prize behind us in tow. That's when we first caught sight of the Dream Catcher. Compared to all the other boats, this one was sleek & sexy and reminded my girlfriend of Duran Duran's Rio video of which she was a big fan.

The game was over for us at that point. We'd already shown our hand. So when another young man who'd been observing stepped up and told us he thought there were a couple of spaces left on this boat - we were hooked in. There was a little resistance, but I managed to negotiate a middle figure between the premium and budget price as it was all mutually agreed that they wouldn't now fill this boat and we were cutting it fine to get a charter at all - it now being so late in the day. The other guys had now either called it a day or made late deals with others who were playing out for a late bargain and we were now alone with the last guy. After paying the money, as I was filling in the form, I noticed a caveat regarding over-booking and boat re-allocation in bold type by the signature space. A small prickle of doubt came over me for a brief moment - then subsided as the clipboard was handed back....surely this deal was as good as it sounded? Almost half the price of the premium cruises and on the best looking boat in the yard...

Too good to be true
The old adage that says 'if it seems too good to be true - then it probably isn't' - turned out right on this occasion. The Dream didn't come good and the Dream Catcher sailing yacht didn't leave port that day with us and 12 others on board. Instead, we were relegated to one of the larger boats loaded with drunken teenagers. I suspect we actually paid more than the 30 or so others to board one of the nightmare boats - and the shrewd sales boy that had found a real life dream catcher to draw in suckers like myself, had not only managed to fill his boat, but also take a considerable chunk of extra commission in the process. The Dream Catcher didn't leave the port that day and I suspect it rarely did for anything less than at the full asking price. But, what it did do, by being moored at an opportune spot for luring in potential customers in all it's shimmering glory, was to sell in the dream.

There are bargains to be found but 'buyer be aware' that if there's a market where fantastic potential gains can be made, chances of finding these dreams can be very slim, as the competition to find the dream will be met by those selling it too. Always read the small print!

Tornado

POWRFUL METAPHORS

So many strong symbolic messages being projected my way at the moment! Last night, I had a dream about a tornado. This is the second dream I can recall having this year and again it's about a powerful and potentially destructive natural force. The last dream was about a tidal wave - which was symbolic of great change. I was safe in that dream - and safe in this one too. So it's pretty clear to me what this second dream is about - as there are life-changing events going on in my life right now. It's really interesting how your brain puts these emotions, concerns and reasonings into visual metaphors - and so vividly too!

Whipping boy

I'm taking some time this week to think through a situation where I'm at a crossroads. One part of me wants to take an easy route but the other part wants to go the hard way around - as it may be more rewarding. The easy route will be pretty quick, uneventful and I'll be able to reach my next destination. BUT - I know I'll be thinking about the decision not to take the other route and 'what I should have done' the whole way. The harder route may take me a lot longer - it'll be a tough test of mental/physical strength - it'll take courage - and it feels like the right route to take. I may have an arduous journey which could take a lot out of me but the result might mean I'll arrive at a different and altogether better destination in the end.

The reason I'm at this conjuncture - again to use a metaphor - is because, like a whipped donkey, I stubbornly refuse to budge any further. I've been repeatedly beaten down over a period of time and it's now time to drop the pack loads and go on my own path. 

Positive steps

I've taken some more positive steps in my new direction for change. My fitness levels are improving, my body shape is changing (down to 12st 4lb!!!) and there's hardly any fat on me now. My 30 day Paleo ended yesterday and I ate my first bread, pasta and rice - yesterday's PT session was much better as a result, as I had more energy in my muscles. I'm ready to start my PT level 3 course from 1st March. I saw my doctor re. nerve damage in my neck. She was genuinely surprised at how my recovery has gone. Considering the symptoms I had in 2012, the movement in my neck and shoulders is better than it's ever been. I'll post my results on the blog after my scan next week. Regarding improvement to money status quo - my HMRC appeal is now underway and all being well, my financial situation could improve dramatically over the coming months...

Riding Out The Tsunami

FACING THE WAVE...

I remember when I first started this current job - there was someone I worked with who ironically, I now believe, was facing very similar issues to those which I find myself dealing with now. There are other parallels that are quite interesting too, regarding health and proposed path for change - and so I will contact her and see how she's managed after facing her wave.

To recap from yesterday when I had the tidal wave dream. Usually, my dreams are very random and I don't even try to interpret them - but as this one was so vivid and strong in my mind, I had to look it up. It's a pretty strong metaphor and essentially means facing up to making a change - and the fact this dream came the day before going back to my 9-5, it appears to have a very clear message - one which I intend to adhere to.

If you've read my previous posts, you'd notice that I've gone through a few films in the last few days that address matters of the heart, wisdom and the latest one - what it means to be happy. These aren't my usual film choices but looking at the topic of change, the research has steered me towards looking at how others have dealt with change for the good. Everyone should watch these films to see what it really takes to be a better person - and when you see what some have had to go through...

So this film 'Happy' takes a look at different cultures around the world and highlights that happiness cannot be found through consumerism, image or status. It not only measures typically financially poor but happy folks from countries like India and South America against the commercially corrupt people from the cash-rich nations of USA and Japan - plus also looks at those that have had serious misfortune and still been able to right themselves on a path of happiness. The director won an award for his last film 'Ghengis Blues' - which I'll try and get for this week too.

Another film I intend to watch is called 'Tim's Vermeer' - and I'm also going to read 'Flow'.

Here's one thing I've learned – I made myself ill in my 20's by working long stressful hours - and I won't ever let myself get to the point of Karoshi.

Back To Health
One last positive thing on yesterday's yoga experience...The Good Vibes studio is great, but what's really got me into yoga are the teachers that take our yoga classes at Fitness First - Graham and Geraldine. The classes for me, have been the right balance of physical challenge and learning the movements and flow of (in this case) dynamic yoga. Although these guys take classes at Fitness First, they are from a yoga studio called The Radiant Hand in Tooting. After reading through their biogs, I'm interested to speak with them more about taking up a more spiritual approach to yoga practice - and even contemplating doing a retreat. Another thing that struck me, was that both these guys had taken up yoga to fix debilitating ailments, and when you consider that Geraldine has come from a professional and traditional background when she chose yoga to heal herself, it's got to mean something, right? And so this will spur me on to do even more. I'll take the time to speak with her on Wednesday about her healing progress...

Wisdom And The Benefits Of Exercise

HEARING VOICES

I woke yesterday with a particularly stiff neck and general weakness in my arm which have been ailing me of late. I've not been doing much exercise over the Christmas break - deliberately to allow some time for my body to recover and I really wanted to do something today that I enjoy rather than just go and lift weights in a gym - ie. Yoga. My first thoughts on waking yesterday, were to stay at home and let my partner go alone to the yoga studio as it was a tube ride away, cold & raining plus my body felt a bit achey. This is my lazy weak voice speaking up. Luckily, the other thoughts kicked in that told me some light exercise, stretching and getting out of the house would do me good. My positive and motivational voice was the right one to listen to.

We all have this inner conflict – it's the same voices that tell you to stay in bed when you've planned an early start and the same voices that stops you making progress through fear, laziness and other negative thoughts. Thankfully, I've got a pretty strong sergeant major voice in me that gets me out of bed in the mornings and chides me when I don't set out to do the things I've given myself. This voice can also be a bit over demanding at times - so we have to listen to both voices and we then need to evaluate what they say in order to make decisions for our actions based on what we've learned before. I'd call this Wisdom.

I watched a documentary on the subject of Wisdom last night - a group of older actors, artists and people already respected for their achievements, talking to camera about what this word means to them. I know older people who think they have wisdom - I know younger people too....convinced they are right without having the experience or without really looking at what they are saying/doing or really analysing/storing the information to be in a better position to say they've learnt something.

So, I know from experience, that getting up and doing some exercise - even if, when I've not had much sleep, am hungover or just feeling below par - I know that raising my heart rate, warming my muscles, stretching, sweating and getting the endorphins flowing, is going to benefit me. And I know this because I've pushed myself to do something before when I know it will benefit me because I have already learned this through experience.

So I got to yoga - a new place (for me) called Good Vibes, which is in Covent Garden, London. It's a really nice, warm studio which has SAD lighting (great for a cold, grey wet Jan 3rd in London). The American girl teaching had a good positive energy and generally, it was clear that everyone in the room were feeling pleased with themselves that they'd made the effort to take the class! After just a few minutes of warming up, I found my aches and pains had already subsided and the confirmed benefits of doing yoga came flooding back to me - plus I felt chuffed that I'd won out against the negative voices again...why had I even considered not coming - had I doubted yoga's healing properties?!? No, I'd allowed some time to have a conversation with myself to weigh up the pros and cons of the situation in order to made a good judgement call. This was all based on previously learned truths gained through experience where I'd remembered the outcome of those successful decisions over time. This is called wisdom!
Here's the film Wisdom - should you wish to watch it - think it makes a good balance with the film watched the day before, The Power of the Heart - which talks about trusting your instincts - both available on iTunes.

After the yoga, I met an old friend, had a light lunch and discussed Wisdom, Intuition, being grateful for what we have and what it means to be Happy (just remembered there's another interesting documentary likely worth seeing that I started watching on New Years Day - I'll come back to this one after I've watched it in full at a later date). My partner and I then came back home for a bit, and went to the health shop to buy some coconut butter. I'll save the coconut butter for a later post, when I've had time to discover the potential benefits of using it as I've heard it's great for many things.

Afterwards, we took a sauna/steam in our local gym and had a massage at our fabulous chinese herbs, medicine and treatments shop called Herbs & Harmony. I'm going to go back for a series of massage treatments on my back, neck, shoulders & arms plus I've booked in for a consultation at 10.30 today with the doctor to see if some acupuncture could help fix my weak bicep problem quicker. Then it's another session of dynamic yoga followed by a steam & sauna to get me ready for work tomorrow - my first day back in nearly two weeks...

I'm not usually one to talk about or analyse dreams but I woke up this morning with a very strong recollection for a dream I was having about a tidal wave. I wasn't afraid in the dream - I'd managed to find a way to ride out the wave as it engulfed everything around me. So I looked it up. Interesting!

'Tidal wave and tsunami dreams remind us that if we don’t confront and deal with things that are out of balance in our life, then they will confront us first!'