Special Forces

THE ELITE

Training to be in the special forces - it requires so much more than purely physical strength. It takes more than courage.

When qualifying as a soldier for the elite military services, the selection process is designed to test the strength & stamina of the recruits with tough physical/psychological challenges but ultimately, it's the strength of one's character that the crack core team are looking for. 

Being in a theatre of war with the threat of bullets, bombs, death and destruction coming from all around you, there needs to be an iron will for getting the job done in the face of adversity and when the chances of survival are greatly compromised. It takes a certain type of person to do this. 

Looking at the different character traits of the 30 people taking part in the selection process on the Channel 4 TV show, it appears that those who will be best suited to this role are the ones who have a less-inflated ego of themselves. The selectors are looking for confidence - not arrogance. The right balance of humility and valour signs up the less than 10% who take up this challenge.

The 40% Rule
If there's ever such a great test of a man (or woman?) where the training itself can break (or even kill) those being pushed to their absolute limits - it's the SAS selection process. And if there was a way for us all to take a mental/physical toughness test where the end result was not warfare, but the making of a more confident, tougher and resilient individual, we would all be able to live closer in tune with our truer selves. Maybe it's time to reinstate national service in the UK once again.

Deal or no Deal

HOLDING OUT TO THE END

It takes nerves of steel, but those that take the considered gamble and stay in control of their emotions, can get bigger payouts in the end. And we're not just talking about a TV show here. 

So many times in our lives, we've missed out on better results because we've not had the nerves, guts, determination or foresight to push on. That's because we naturally have a stronger aversion to loss when taking a risk. It's the reason why computers have taken the human factor out of decision making in the stock market. We fear the loss of what we could gain - and fail to press that button.

The way to get better results in the game of life, is to keep on top of how we've faired in the past - noticing when the right decisions have been taken over the wrong ones and remembering when a positive result has been won over a potentially bad one. Our memories cheat us, so we need to write things down. 

Today marks the end of a period when I've been saying 'No Deal'. It's been stressful and much sleep has been lost over these last 11 months. But, through being strong and patiently sitting this out to the end, when it's been so tough - I've now got the result I wanted and deserve. I've not only benefitted in monetary terms, which is of course great, but I've learned a lot about myself in the process too. It takes guts, determination and perseverance to get what we want out of life. 

Too many of us are quick to cave in for what is believed to be an easier life. Knowing what our limits are, will help us to make better decisions. We can't act on these decisions until we've gone through some painful situations. This is a fact of life and the earlier we learn this - the sooner we get better at dealing with the discomfort - and the bigger the payouts will be when we do.

The Gift Of Anxiety

SWEET ABANDON IN A GLASS

Getting drunk is like taking a holiday from your mind. And doing this while having 'fun' with our friends, letting the hair down, so they say, it's the moments we live for, right?

But why do we need to do this? Why drink? What compels us to anaesthetise our brains with drink & drugs to have a good time? Maybe we do it to forget what our suppressed emotions are trying to tell us. It's so we can have a release from our demons to feel free. But what if these suppressed emotions are not inner demons at all but actually messengers that we need to listen to and hear what they say?

Meet Your Fears

Do we really have to get so inebriated or can we still enjoy just as much of a good time without the need to switch off our minds? I truly believe so, but we have to deal with these often strong emotions first and not to block them out if we are to really find out what they mean.

After having such a massive weekend of excess, the fallout came in my sleep on Monday night. All the anxiety and insecurities that I'm holding on to, seemed to came out in force to taunt me throughout the twilight hours. After what seemed like an age of tossing and turning - and as the last of the alcohol left the furthest reaches of my numbed mind, I peaked with a crescendo of anxiety as the darkest doors of my mind were flung wide, releasing my innermost fears. But rather than allowing them to overwhelm me, I met them face on and applied Yoga breathing techniques to remove myself from the torrent of abuse and self-loathing that was coming at me. After just a few breathes, I started to feel calm again, the feelings of doom subsided and I was able to mindfully observe these banshees passing harmlessly over me.

I've had these anxiety moments before in my life, but the greatest difference between then and now is that I took time to recognise and accept what this moment was telling me. I saw that these were just fears. It was very challenging dealing with these thoughts in the dead of night and frustrating having broken sleep, but I learned something new about myself in the process. I learned how to deal with the fear. If we don't confront our fears, they will only get stronger. It's a necessary process for our self development.

So, if you are caught in the dead of night as I was, treat this moment as your opportunity to better know these wailing messengers. Take notes of the emotions they attach themselves to at the time they happen and see them for what they are - just fears. They are not us. If we can later remind ourselves of what the fears were, we can address them in the light of day with a rational mind and that way, accept and work towards dispelling them.

End Of An Era

CLOSURE

Sunsets can be metaphors for both happy and sad experiences. They represent the closure of a significant event like death but also signify change and the commencement of a new cycle for rebirth.

Today marks the last day from a 6 1/4 years stint of life spent in a place I never really enjoyed and should not have endured being in for so long. And even though this work environment has mostly made me feel unhappy, I've stayed, in part because I believed the alternatives were no better. This has not been the case at all.

Many of us are living this false reality. There's no logical reason for staying in an unhappy workplace or failed relationship just on a belief. The only thing holding us back from making our lives better - is ourselves. We just need to be brave and take the necessary steps, yet many are unable to because they feel hopeless to make the change. 

Giving It Up

HOLDING ON

Some things are worth fighting for. But other things are just not worth taking to the death. Keeping a hold on something that leaves us with feelings of anger, will cause even more harm as we draw out the healing process. The mind and body are closely linked, and as a result, we manifest the held on to emotions in our bodies. Therefore, if we hold on to the anger, we potentially make ourselves Ill. 

Martin Adams was a fierce campaigner against the IRA. He stood up against terrorists who threatened his family and made multiple attempts on his life. Despite nearly getting killed in shootings and having to hide the identities of his family including young daughters, he has managed to survive through a turbulent period, whilst also standing up for what he believed in and refusing to be bought off or moved on through fear. 

Letting Go

This weekend, I met Martin's daughter, Amy. Ironically, she has just come through a tough period very similar to my own, dealing with an unfair situation at work. 

Amy is a very bright girl and talks highly of her father. Her situation was something that her father was keen to help her fight as the unjust treatment of his daughter touched at the heart of his moral core. Amy initially fought against the company's injustice, but after the best part of a year, she let go of the company and moved on. I was surprised. 

Hearing everything Amy had just said about her father and his courage standing up for what he believed in and against such great adversity. Why did she give in to this much smaller life situation and essentially allow this company to 'win'?

Winner

Amy said to me that she is the winner. How so? Because she now gets to live her life. Every day after she made the decision to sign an agreement not to sue the company, she has felt the anger towards the people who betrayed her, slowly fade. It's like a heavy weight has been lifted from her shoulders and, said Amy 'I wish I'd taken this decision sooner. And that's why you need to let go too'.

Hearing this savvy young girl's advice, I can see she's right. In some spiteful vindictive way, I want to punish the people who are dealing with my dismissal. It's hurting me spiritually as much as them too and on multiple levels, I'm sure. 

This coming week should see some kind of resolution to this current situation I'm in and I will be thinking of Amy's wise words when I choose the right course to take and ultimately let go of this heavy weight on my soul. 

We All Need A Little Help

DONT BE AFRAID TO ASK

We can't be masters of everything we do and we aren't always the best placed person to make the right decisions.

If there's something we need help with, many people would rather convince themselves that they can handle a situation rather than seek help. This is even more the case when it comes to discussing our personal life with an advisor or professional therapist.

We could all do with opening up a bit more to discuss our concerns, worries and dilemmas. It's good to talk. Yet, a lot of us - especially men, will never admit to having a weakness, preferring to bottle up their feelings, where they fester away, until they can't be contained any more.

It's really ok to speak with an expert but if we just can't make that step - the next best solution is to write our feelings down. The very act of writing, will help to purge the thoughts that are making us feel anxious, fearful and vulnerable. And when these words are out there, they can be measured and action taken to fix the issues or the much needed help can be sought after. 

Tornado

POWRFUL METAPHORS

So many strong symbolic messages being projected my way at the moment! Last night, I had a dream about a tornado. This is the second dream I can recall having this year and again it's about a powerful and potentially destructive natural force. The last dream was about a tidal wave - which was symbolic of great change. I was safe in that dream - and safe in this one too. So it's pretty clear to me what this second dream is about - as there are life-changing events going on in my life right now. It's really interesting how your brain puts these emotions, concerns and reasonings into visual metaphors - and so vividly too!

Whipping boy

I'm taking some time this week to think through a situation where I'm at a crossroads. One part of me wants to take an easy route but the other part wants to go the hard way around - as it may be more rewarding. The easy route will be pretty quick, uneventful and I'll be able to reach my next destination. BUT - I know I'll be thinking about the decision not to take the other route and 'what I should have done' the whole way. The harder route may take me a lot longer - it'll be a tough test of mental/physical strength - it'll take courage - and it feels like the right route to take. I may have an arduous journey which could take a lot out of me but the result might mean I'll arrive at a different and altogether better destination in the end.

The reason I'm at this conjuncture - again to use a metaphor - is because, like a whipped donkey, I stubbornly refuse to budge any further. I've been repeatedly beaten down over a period of time and it's now time to drop the pack loads and go on my own path. 

Positive steps

I've taken some more positive steps in my new direction for change. My fitness levels are improving, my body shape is changing (down to 12st 4lb!!!) and there's hardly any fat on me now. My 30 day Paleo ended yesterday and I ate my first bread, pasta and rice - yesterday's PT session was much better as a result, as I had more energy in my muscles. I'm ready to start my PT level 3 course from 1st March. I saw my doctor re. nerve damage in my neck. She was genuinely surprised at how my recovery has gone. Considering the symptoms I had in 2012, the movement in my neck and shoulders is better than it's ever been. I'll post my results on the blog after my scan next week. Regarding improvement to money status quo - my HMRC appeal is now underway and all being well, my financial situation could improve dramatically over the coming months...

Standing Up For Yourself

BEAT THE BULLIES

Bullying is ugly and it happens more than you realise. You'll probably think back to that bigger kid at school as the last time you felt it but it comes in many forms. It can be from groups of people, your boss, government agencies, even people closest to you like your parents/children or husband/wife. It's really not nice when you are on the receiving end and if left un-challenged, can really wear you down and destroy your self-esteem/confidence to the point of no return. Bullies favour the weaker push-over, so to win - you have to stand up to them.

My First Time
I was quite popular at junior school. It was a decent school and I got on with pretty much everyone that I can remember. There were the odd occasions where I'd had to stand up to a bit of abuse but it was usually handled by a teacher and never amounted to much. It was only when I attended senior (secondary) school that the real bullying took place. It was evident that the differences in backgrounds from the many kids - some of them from tough areas of London, were able to handle a lot more abuse than the soft-skinned types like myself. When you're a 13 year old boy, you're going through a lot of changes physically, mentally & emotionally. One minute you're playing on your BMX bike - then suddenly, you're faced with making decisions for making the switch from boy to man.

My switch happened almost overnight. I'd been a studious kid and my grades were good, so I sat with the other kids that were willing to learn. This put me on the receiving end of some unwanted attention from the back of the class, from some of the kids that were known to be bullies. Suddenly, I was in the cross fire of one particular boy, aptly named Damien. He used to punch, trip, kick, spit on and generally hassle myself and the other bookie/studious types. Coming from a family of five older brothers and being about six months older, meant he was a lot tougher and bigger. One day, he'd been particularly savage with his antics and the 'camel back-breaking' moment came after a cowardly punch in my kidneys. I'll never forget the feeling as I turned, grabbed him by the throat, pushed him over a desk and punched him in the eye in front of the whole class. While I don't condone violence - this was likely the only retort to work with this abusive kid. He was so shocked that I'd retaliated with such force, that he took ages to register what had happened. Once he'd come back to his senses and witnessed everyone looking on, he regained some composure and threatened to 'kill' me. But as I stared back at him, looking squarely in his newly blackened eye, I could already see, his power over me had gone.

Standing Tall
If we do nothing to stand up to our bullies, they will take over our lives. They will drain your power and erase your self-confidence. From the day after facing my fear of standing up to the bully, my stature changed. I grew. I became respected. I became powerful and the bully shrank away. He lost his influence to stike fear in others and ended up being one of the bullied himself. I hope he finally addressed his insecurities and grew strong again, learning from his experience and using his new powers to help rather than hinder others going forward.

Career Off Track
I now find I'm in a similar situation with a career change looming. I'm fearful of the future but excited for what it may bring. I'm holding in my core that feeling I had when I turned to face my demon and will relish the power I'll have after tackling it face-on.