Practice

PRACTICE SLOWLY - PROGRESS QUICKLY

While listening to a podcast today on music and perfect pitch, I'm fondly reminded of my piano teacher. 

It's my 10 year old niece's birthday next week and we're buying her a Casio digital keyboard. Learning to play a musical instrument is something we should all try in our lifetime. Playing a piano has been one of the greatest things I've achieved for connecting the body and mind. As well as playing jazz/blues, I've also learned classical music and this has been one of my greatest endeavours.

To learn the notes that have been produced by the musical masters like Beethoven, Mozart and Chopin, is truly to be connected with genius itself. This skill wouldn't come immediately, as there'd be a lot of work put in to accomplish this feat with much practice. It would be difficult at first. To learn how to read the musical notes, takes much patience and time, just as we would need time learning a foreign language. And to then play this music, written by these great composers, will also require lots of slow, careful practice and a highly focussed commitment to do this over a period of time. Eventually, with these very deliberate efforts, the notes will flow faster until the song could be performed well enough in front of an audience where the appreciation of the mastery can be fully appreciated.

I can clearly remember the many hours of practice on our piano at home and I believe this focus has helped with my creativity, dexterity plus appreciation of music and the arts as well as boosting confidence and ability to perform well under pressure with such close scrutiny.

Battling Fear

FACING DOWN OUR FEARS

Fear is a very powerful emotion. When fear rises up in us it can take over all other thoughts and render us helpless. Overcoming these fears can be very tough to face up to, but simply 'removing ourselves' from the thoughts, by using a breathing meditation technique, where we can observe the thoughts as they happen, we can then see them for what they are - just thoughts.

While driving down to the South of France this weekend, I became very fearful. I was about to compete in the Megavalanche race which is a crazy downhill mountain bike event full of multiple hazards and potential for injury or death. I have been in many situations before on mountains where there is potential for such injury - but I've been younger, fitter, stronger physically and more experienced. Mountain biking is something I understand the physics of, know what the equipment is capable of but something I have only a small experience of doing and certainly not in a competitive arena before. I was beating myself up. Why am I doing this at 43, what am I trying to prove, do I want to risk being out of work or paralysed, will my girlfriend leave me, where will I get the money to pay the bills, how will I look to my friends when I can't do the race or if I'm airlifted off the mountain?

Nobody knew I was having these thoughts. I was entertaining them coming and going as I engaged in other conversations with my friends. And when I got a quiet moment, I switched over to being the observer in my head and just witnessed all the fear, paranoia and misery fight for attention. I actually found it quite amusing seeing these multiple facets of my mind being so blindly assured of their states of being, yet here I was, completely calm hearing them out until they exhausted themselves and went quiet. How refreshing to see these thoughts for what they are. They aren't who I truly am and by rising above them, they don't define me but merely fire off for a bit and then disappear.

When it came to the day to qualify and race - I was completely calm and ready. My self confidence and trust in my abilities were restored to the point where I managed to gain a lot of ground on the others in my race. And had I not gotten a puncture, would have put in a really good time, I'm sure. It's likely I'll compete again in the future but even if I don't, I know I have what it takes and this mindset and the technique for tackling fear can be applied to anything we do in life.

Observation
There are many techniques for facing up to our fears. Understanding where they come from through getting to know ourselves better will really help. To really fight them takes a lot of courage. Practicing the technique of removing oneself from fearful thoughts by observing as a third person as Geoff explains in this video, was something I'd heard spoken to me before, but suddenly appeared as a revelation this time I heard it. Once again I'm amazed at the timing that Geoff's wisdom comes through to me.

This video arrived in my inbox the day after my races and confirmed what I already learned to be true. Hearing these wise words from Geoff, who has been spending many years training and learning these observation plus other self mastery techniques, made me feel really pleased at my progress over the last 6-7 months. I've grown as a person in such a short period of time. And this is something we are all capable of achieving if we desire and allow it to happen.

Fear should not be given the power to take a hold of us. But by being courageous and harnessing this powerful emotion correctly, we can use this force to make us stronger and elevate us towards further greatness.

The Robot Human

MANAGING THE MACHINE

We are biological robots. We start off in this world with basic programming which we learn to master with the help of our parents. We then have other children and teachers at school to top-up the learning process and eventually we are set free to take this programmed human being out into the wider world where we bolt on our own extra software enhancements to make us capable of functioning in society. 

The Robot v Human

Knowing how and when to operate in the rational, logical programme mode is essential to getting on with other people in every day situations. We have been programmed to act a certain way from a very young age. Being polite, patient and considerate to others has been instilled - hard-coded in. It is not a natural trait to be unselfish and hence why we engage our practised mind to make us act correctly for better coping around others - especially in a work environment. We become like a programmed robot.

The problem with always having a pre-thought programme running, is that we never really get to enjoy the moment we're in. Allowing the times for us to be in a more 'child-like' curious, adventurous and creative state will enable us to have a freedom to be with others in a much more free state of being. And if we've given enough time to develop the robot, or rational side of our brains, we can be assured that the underline robot mind will stop us from coming too far out of our playful state to cause any harm to ourselves or others. It's essentially having the robot/parent state set up in a way that allows us to live as humans - playful, inquisitive and fun beings that we are.

Coming Of Age

GROWING PAINS

Today I'm reminded of how difficult the transition from being a boy to becoming a man really is. The teen years are some of the toughest moments in our life. As it's when we make the decisions that shape us into the adults we then become and being a mentor to a young boy or girl to help them make the transition is a position of great responsibility which can be very rewarding when it goes well. 

Playing The Game
There's a lot of conflict with our teachers, parents and peers as some of the bad decisions being made steer us towards dangerous or illegal and stupid acts. It's at these times that we learn how to deal with conflict, take responsibility for our actions and earn the respect of adults for making the tough move from being a protected child to a self-sufficient adult.

We're all still the child inside and although it may seem like a long way off, we are all still capable of being in that same child state, making the same stupid decisions and getting into trouble. Becoming an adult is all about learning how to play the game of life for our advantage without hurting others or getting into trouble. Some never learn how to do this.

We forget that there's only a few key life skills separating us from being that 13 year old kid so when we're confronted with someone going through that same tricky transition we've already passed through successfully, we may be a little forgetful of how tricky and sometimes painful it was and just need to be aware that it's not actually much of a difference between us man and boy. We have to try and remember that we made mistakes too - a lot of mistakes.

I don't ever recall being told that the teenage years are a tricky period that I've got to work out for myself - I just remember the chiding when I got it wrong. Dealing with young adults at this hormone-rich and growth spurt period can be really tough - so it pays to get some tips on how best to deal with these changelings so it doesn't end up being a shouting match between two raging adolescents.

Sports Day

TAKING PART

Watching the 4 year olds compete at their first sports day today, seeing the joy on the parent's faces as their kids crossed the line with their spoon and bean bag, I witnessed first hand how powerful these defining moments are in a child's life. 

So, while it is encouraged to cheer on every child for taking part at these events, it was evidently very difficult to conceal the excitement from the mums and dads as their somewhat bewildered child took the line as a winner and immense relieve certain parents expressed as their child trotted in away from last place. 

Winners

It was a wonderfully amusing and at the same time very human base-level, survival spectacle which will have imprinted something on that child's character that will either give them a solid foundation of self confidence or, if we're not careful, a fear of failure. We put so much importance on winning as it's a survival instinct built in to our genetic makeup. Nowhere more so than the kids sports day, do we see these human traits in their rawest form. But if we remove the competitive element, what do we gain from watching some exercise in the park?

Even if we try and kid ourselves that it's just the taking part, seeing your child take the line and pick up a gold medal in front of all the other class mates, teachers and parents, is a defining moment not only for parents but in that child and every other child's development one way or other - either a mark for already having success, achieving success again or a measure to strive for success in the future.

Writing Therapy

PUTTING IT DOWN ON PAPER

According to research discussed by Robert Trivers in his insightful book called The Folly of Fools: The Logic of Deceit and Self-Deception in Human Life, the very act of writing stuff down can help realise change. So if that means making plans for the future or on the flip side writing about traumatic experiences we've suffered - the very act of writing this all down will help to either materialise or purge it.

Apparently, in tests, it was shown that those who had lost their jobs, after 6 months 53% of writers compared to only 18% of non writers had found a new job. One theory is that the anger felt is not displaced on to the new prospective employer and you become more attractive as a potential employee for that company. This theory holds up in all aspects. Try as we might to rid ourselves of the thoughts and fears built up over years - they manifest in several ways throughout our lives. The conscious mind may not detect or can be hiding these hard to remove personality traits. It's at times when we're tired or our conscious mind is dulled through alcohol that we reveal these parts of ourselves that we are trying our best to conceal or contain. Writing them down and facing up to them - then letting them go if destructive, through a symbolic act of deleting, screwing up or burning the paper could also help to free our minds from the torment of past memories.

Fresh Challenges

EVOLUTIONARY CHALLENGES

Whenever we set ourselves a fitness and performance challenge, we need to factor in a time scale to work within. If the challenge has no indicated limit, how can we measure our progress over that time frame properly? And how can we gauge the intensity of the challenge against our progress to set up the next challenge?

We evolve over time. Our bodies adapt and grow stronger with a focussed training schedule. It takes a maximum 4-5 weeks to adjust to a training schedule. By the fourth week, the progress & results over a month will give us a much clearer understanding of what our bodies are capable of and help us set up a new higher level for the challenges to come.

To see this phenomenon in operation, try the 100 press-ups in 6 weeks challenge.

Transactional Analysis

ROLE PLAY

Humans are social creatures. Every interaction we make with someone else in every task we do, has some form of role play involved. We adopt ego states that make the transaction process go a certain way. Understanding the role play scenarios, what each wants to gain through the action of their role will help bring about the best course of action for obtaining a successful result at the end.

There has been much research on this subject of transactional analysis and learning what this research teaches us about ourselves can be a real benefit for personal wellbeing and positive results in life.

Click the above link for an in-depth description - below are explanations of the Adult and Child Ego State for examples of role play:

Adult Ego State
The Adult ego state is about direct responses to the here and now. We deal with things that are going on today in ways that are not unhealthily influenced by our past.

The Adult ego state is about being spontaneous and aware with the capacity for intimacy. When in our Adult state, we are able to see people as they are, rather than what we project onto them. We ask for information rather than stay scared and also rather than make assumptions. Taking the best from the past and using it appropriately in the present is an integration of the positive aspects of both our Parent and Child ego states. So this can be called the Integrating Adult.

Integrating means that we are constantly updating ourselves through our every day experiences and using this to inform us. This can be achieved by producing a daily blog - as I am doing right here.

In this structural model, the Integrating Adult ego state circle is placed in the middle to show how it needs to orchestrate between the Parent and the Child ego states. For example, the internal Parent ego state may beat up on the internal Child, saying "You are no good, look at what you did wrong again, you are useless". The Child may then respond with "I am no good, look how useless I am, I never get anything right". Many people hardly hear this kind of internal dialogue as it goes on so much they might just believe life is this way. An effective Integrating Adult ego state can intervene between the Parent and Child ego states. This might be done by stating that this kind of parenting is not helpful and asking if it is prepared to learn another way. Alternatively, the Integrating Adult ego state can just stop any negative dialogue and decide to develop another positive Parent ego state perhaps taken in from other people they have met over the years.

Child ego state
The Child ego state is a set of behaviours, thoughts and feelings which are replayed from our own childhood.

Perhaps the boss calls us into his or her office, we may immediately get a churning in our stomach and wonder what we have done wrong. If this were explored we might remember the time the head teacher called us in to tell us off. Of course, not everything in the Child ego state is negative. We might go into someone's house and smell a lovely smell and remember our grandmother's house when we were little, and all the same warm feelings we had at six year's of age may come flooding back.

Both the Parent and Child ego states are constantly being updated. For example, we may meet someone who gives us the permission we needed as a child, and did not get, to be fun and joyous. We may well use that person in our imagination when we are stressed to counteract our old ways of thinking that we must work longer and longer hours to keep up with everything. We might ask ourselves "I wonder what X would say now". Then on hearing the new permissions to relax and take some time out, do just that and then return to the work renewed and ready for the challenge. Subsequently, rather than beating up on ourselves for what we did or did not do, what tends to happen is we automatically start to give ourselves new permissions and take care of ourselves.

Alternatively, we might have had a traumatic experience yesterday which goes into the Child ego state as an archaic memory that hampers our growth. Positive experiences will also go into the Child ego state as archaic memories. The positive experiences can then be drawn on to remind us that positive things do happen.

The process of analysing personality in terms of ego states is called structural analysis. It is important to remember that ego states do not have an existence of their own, they are concepts to enable understanding. Therefore it is important to say "I want some fun" rather than "My Child wants some fun". We may be in our Child ego state when we say this, but saying "I" reminds us to take responsibility for our actions.