Celebration Of Life

FOCUS FOR CHANGE 2015 INTO 2016

This is the final day of a great year in which I have learned so much about myself. By keeping a daily blog/diary, I've already grown to be a better version of myself. I've dedicated my time every daily, to learn new insights on psychology to better equip myself with tools and knowledge for successes and for identifying areas where more work is needed. This day marks not the last day of change for 2015, but sets a marker for yet another year of continual development and growth. This day is not only a celebration of what's gone before but also an enthusiastic cheer for discovering much more in 2016!

Becoming A Better Person
At the start of the year, I made a pledge to improve on some of the things that were either lacking or needing fixing. I took a more critical look at the areas for improvement, mentally, physically, financially and better ways to use my time to daily learn ways to become a better, more healthy, wealthy (in more ways than just money), charitable, centred and loving individual. In many ways, so much has already been gained and I will continue to look for ways to build on these accomplishments and make more daily improvements in the coming year. These are the areas I've had success in:

Physically - I have fixed some ailments through my consistent home physio programme, daily Qi Gong, committed Yoga and wisdom gained through reading so many inspirational books.
Mentally - Through self reflection, knowledge gained form reading, mentors & teachers, meeting and speaking with others who are seeking enlightenment and change, I've identified and improved my ways of thinking so they are pre-thought rather than reactive decisions making my day go a certain way.
Financially - Understanding the value of money, spending less, earning through different types of work that I enjoy doing and a strong resolve for tackling large organisations that seek to take or withhold from me - I have become credit card and debt-free. I have greater restraint, better planning and tighter management on finances. Ways and means for moving money around have become more creative and rewarding.
Spiritually - By following the teachings of eastern based philosophies in Yoga and the dedication to the 'one' true path, I have been able to remove myself from many of the problematic, health and wellbeing issues that I've been suffering with. By denying these thoughts the brain time, I've diminished their power and stopped them from interfering in my live. I've also passed on my learnings to others, so they may benefit too.
Intellectually - I've learned to speak another language, touch-type, write more creatively. I understand more about nutrition, physiology and other health enhancing skills through taking a Personal Trainer's course. I have extra skill sets for taking on other roles and a clearer understanding of myself and how to manage my personality to fit with other personalities and situations for harmony and mutual benefits. I've also been far more active with taking notice of political corruption and making a stand, plus encouraging others to do so too.

In all, there's been so much to take in. I will now have to re-look at the 365 days of writing, evaluate what it all means and begin putting everything together in a more comprehensive format. This will be my focus for 2016, so that I may be able to pass on this wealth of knowledge and the concepts that have helped me along the way.

Not Such A Lonely Journey
This year could not have been so great without the support of my significant other - my soul mate, Cathy. She has been my advocate all along the way and my support for what I'm doing. It would also have been a lot harder to stick to the daily writings without the many mentors I've discovered on the journey. My father's unexpected illness has also been a reminder of how life can throw things at you that make planning for the future a far less important factor, when really, we should all be making the most of the time we have to live in the moment. There's no point getting caught up in 'what if's?' from the past or future. It's the steady pace of conviction moving in the right direction that determines the journey's worth and ultimate worthy destination.

So all these positive influences (my dad is thankfully feeling a lot better again) have really helped - but, arguably, without having such a strong negative turning point which motivated me to action - a colossal sign, that has truly inspired me, I may have lost my way pretty quickly. It's an ironic fact, that death, as sad as it is, can inspire us to embrace life.

The Straw That Broke The Camel's Back
I have to give thanks to the individuals (no names given here, but I have you all in my minds eye right now) and the organisation you and I work/worked for - with your actions/non-actions that prompted me to say 'no' and 'I've had enough'. News UK, I wish you and your people every success. Please try and inspire others as you have me, to follow a truer path.

A Reminder Of Life 
Two people that need my greatest thanks, appreciation of their life and recognition of the significance in their untimely deaths - Toby Allnut who died 15.12.15 and Adam Whitehurst 31.12.15 - both, who I worked with at News, who sadly took their own lives. Toby, as I mentioned before on my 15th December post, brought it home to me, immediately after my holiday, at a time when I could have so easily been swept up in the drunken December/Christmas mayhem to lose sight of my holiday resolutions, and Adam - your timing, on the last day of 2014 was for me a bizarre twist of fate. Very likely, around the time I was making my mind up that 'tomorrow, the 1st day of the New Year', was going to see a significant change for happiness and fulfilment in my life....you were making a decision to end yours.

RIP Toby & Adam
You won't be forgotten

Cutting Loose

DRUNKEN FOOLS

The tradition of 'letting our hair down' or cutting loose and having a great time is an old one. The Feast of Fools was a period around new year, stemming from the middle ages when even the clergy could be excused for having a bit of drunken debauchery. This tomfoolery is something we tend to celebrate a lot more these days it seems, which is a blessing and can be a curse.

This year has had a good few days of letting go. And this could be the last one for a while as I prepare myself for a 3-4 month alcohol-free fitness period (exceptions made for a boy's ski trip) with 5am starts allowing time to prepare the book I intend to write outlining all the results of my focus for change in 2015.

So, being that I'm recovering from a night of fun, I will keep this one short to make the most of these last moments of crazy abandon before the abstention begins. Cheers! See you all in the pub again once Spring has sprung!

Picture The Future

VISUALISATION

Stay true to your beliefs - visualise where you want to be and never give up on yourself.

Many people reach a lull at some point or other in their lives. We can all feel like we've lost our way and feel like there's no other options available.

At these times, we have to free our minds from negative thoughts. Meditation is a great tool for clearing away the noise in our heads and even a short 5 minutes of deep breathing can calm the mind enough to allow the creative processes to flow. 

Picturing the places we want to be and the things we want to achieve, will help to bring them into reality. 

Do some research on the things you love and create a vision board. Put this some place where it can be seen as a reminder and practice a daily meditation to get this place and all the things you want to happen fixed securely in your mind's eye.

Little Sparks

CREATIVE ILLUMINATION

Walking to a local pub yesterday, we stumbled upon a really cool open mic music event. 

This local pub has a nice feel about it, a bit of a last bastion in a town where many of the old haunts have been converted into Chinese/Indian restaurants or taken over by supermarket chains like Tesco. But the pub, which was itself converted from a working mill at one time, would not be able to survive with only the regular punters coming in and spending their money. 

This is where bringing that something extra in to the pub helps to draw in the non-regular crowd. 

The music night featured a mixed bag of music lovers with a fair to middling range of talent, but at the core of the event was the little gem, the very reason the music event was even happening. This girl was the creative spark. She was the heart of the gathering holding it all together and making it that much more than just a smattering of bedroom rock stars. 

We can see these little sparks if we look close enough. When we get that feeling we're witnessing something great that they'll 'pop' out from the crowd. They are the diamonds in the rough - those special people that inspire others to greatness.

Multi Merriment

COMMUNITY BONDING

The spirit of Christmas should be experienced by all no matter what the faith. Even a staunch atheist can appreciate the shared feelings of good will and join in with the festive cheer in this Christian festival. 

Last night, we visited an Indian restaurant for a bit of a change from the cold meats we'd been eating and possibly will still be eating for another couple of days. The restaurant had a Christmas tree up and festive decorations everywhere. The ensemble of patrons in this restaurant covered a wide gamut of skin colours and diverse mixture of cultural origins. Yet, when the music came on, everyone, regardless of their ethnic backgrounds danced, hugged and wished each other a happy Christmas - it was a special moment. 

For me, and evidently many others, it's way beyond the religious aspect and more about the spirit of community and displaying goodwill to others. Sharing in all the festive fun is what we should focus on at this time of year. And if we can be more inclusive, it will encourage our communities to stay connected and thrive off the good will a long time after the decorations have come down. 

The Gift Of Giving

LUCKY DIP

There doesn't need to be high expense when buying Christmas gifts. The best presents to give and receive at Christmas time are the thoughtful ones and those that make us laugh.

So if we can donate to the needy and laugh while we're doing it, we have the complete gift. My aunt has the perfect solution for achieving this and because she knows her presents are the best, it's an all round success. It's called a lucky dip. Consequently, the big box of presents we save back for Boxing Day is one of the highlights of the holidays and brings much laughter to all the family. 

We are very fortunate to have someone who takes the time and effort to ensure all the family get something to open at Christmas time and yet, it's quite a simple answer to meaningful gifting that we can all learn from. 

Trawling the busy shops for gifts can be stressful, especially if, like me you don't like shopping at the best of times. Quite often I'll find myself spending a good deal more money out of a need to merely purchase something because I'll feel guilty if I don't get something good. So this year, we gave ourselves a challenge. We could only buy for the other family adults from charity shops and maximum spend was £10 per item. 

There's so many charity shops on the high street that need extra money to keep them running. In order to help out those less fortunate than us, spend a few pounds getting some stocking fillers. It makes more sense than ever to help the needy at this time of year. With charity shops having racks & shelves full of interesting, quirky and cool items, there's never a problem finding something for a funny lucky dip either. And that is the genius of my Aunt's offering. Not only do we all have multiple gifts to unwrap, but by using old newspaper instead of wrapping paper, the fun of actually unwrapping, is prolonged - the paper goes in the recycling box and even if the presents aren't to our tastes, we can just recycle them in the charity shop.

The Magic Of Christmas

FESTIVE CHEER

Christmas is a time full of fun and merriment and with such an opportunity to lounge around eating rich food, it can be also a time of over indulgence.

So it pays to move around a bit at Christmas time so we don't feel bloated and sluggish. Get off the couch and take a short walk, even if it's just to the local park. It'll mean there's more energy to enjoy the evening's entertainments all the more and stuff our faces with more festive treats!

Christmas Gifts

CELEBRATING FAMILY TIME

Christmas always seemed to come around too quickly, at least that's what I thought since my mid-late 20s. The magic had seemingly gone. I'd find the whole gifting thing to be a massive stress and the religious part was totally lost on me. 

Fast forward to 2015. I've been really looking forward to the festive season this time around and in particular, spending some quality time with my family. 

It often takes a tragedy to inspire us to make a change, hence the death of my colleagues have driven me to take these daily steps for my own personal growth. Just as a cold slap in the face can wake us to take in the harsh realities of life, a reminder of death will motivate us to seize what we have and enjoy it will we still can. 

August last year was one of those moments when reality stared me in the face. I didn't fully understand it at the time, but as Christmas loomed, it became clear to me that time for us all, is finite. Thankfully, on this occasion, it's not been a tragedy but a stark reminder of how short our time is on this planet. 

The moment I fully realised that time is so precious, was while watching TV with my sick father. He had cancer. There was a moment in the film where someone said 'Christmas is going to be the last one'. I don't recall the film, but I distinctly remember that moment thinking 'This might be my dad's last Christmas'. This could be the last happy family celebrations we have together. It turned out to be a great few days, like an oasis of respite for fun in a sea of discomfort and pain for my poor chemotherapy-drained dad. 

So now a year has passed, the illness appears to have gone (we hope for good) and tomorrow is Christmas Day. My nan and granddad (pictured above) are sadly no longer with us, but my mum and dad, brother, sister in law and niece & nephew are. So, I will enjoy being with them as well as my lovely girlfriend, Cathy and fully appreciate the good fortunate of having such a lovely family.

May we all be more grateful for our family, no matter how quirky, odd or potentially annoying they can be and instead, by truly thankful for the precious time we still have to enjoy life with them.

Merry Christmas!

Determination

LIKE A DOG WITH A BONE

Determination can be a good thing. It can help us prevail against the odds to reach a goal. It can also motivate us to action and keep us going when others cannot go on. Focussed on the rights tasks, this positive character trait/emotion can be rewarding and bring about success outcomes.

My key characteristics from a child are; High energy, low fear, adventurous and determined. This remains true of my personality characteristics today. These qualities have helped me to rise above certain challenging situations but have also got me into and kept me in tricky situations for longer than should be experienced. I'm currently suffering low energy as a result of my strong determination which has arguably been channelled through other emotions like anger.

A key focus for next year will be on maintaining my strong determination, but will only directed on the tasks that are beneficial to me and all those around me. I've mostly had my energy tied up in having ongoing battles with large corporations and governing bodies this year. These 'battles; have taken a toll on my health and altered my mindset like ingesting a daily dose of poison would likely do to someone.

I have the energy, determination and will to succeed in something good and that's where the drive to achieve should be invested. It's time to let go of these heavy, tough bones, bury them for good and find something worth ploughing my energies into.

Battle Fatigue

LOSING THE FIGHT TO WIN THE BATTLE

Too much battling against the world makes us hardened, unfeeling emotionally and unable to appreciate the finer things in life. It numbs our minds, halting the creative thoughts from flowing freely and keeps us in perpetual fight/flight stress mode.

One of my new year's resolutions is to avoid having so many drawn out battles any more. The fight has taken it's toll. I'm weary and apart from the physical manifestations, I find it difficult to fully enjoy what's there in front of me or muster the energy to invest in the pursuits that will enrich myself and others.

We all have our personal battles. There's a constant pressure from work, family duties, relationships, moral duties and internal struggles as we and try to take pleasure from life. Good things are worth fighting for so we need to make this a priority - the rest, we have to assess and let go if it's not worth our using up our energy on.

One such battle that I've fought in 2015, is against a large corporation that has been all-consuming for pretty much the whole year. Has it been worth it? In some regards it has. I have learned so much about myself, the symptoms of stress and how they affect our wellbeing - and the irony is that this teaching has all been through constant battling with this large adversary. I have a lot more to learn, but maybe this has all been a gift for me to now use my newfound knowledge and pass this on to others.

Shell Shock
During the First World War, when trench warfare took the lives of so many in battle, many more soldiers were suffering stress through the constant shelling from above and the threat of being blown up from below. This is when we first head of the term 'Shell Shock'. A lot of soldiers, displaying the symptoms - disorientated and confused, were actually executed by their own because their actions displayed a lack of moral fibre in the superior's view and often thought to be a deliberate tactic for desertion. Interestingly, the soldiers deserting their posts were shown little remorse - but higher ranking officers showing similar stress-related symptoms were often excused as their diagnosis related to a seemingly 'higher, more cerebral and upper class' affliction of the nerves.

This nervous disposition diagnosis has been shown to exist in the highly competitive business environments of the 20th and 21st century, notably among city traders, bankers and professionals working is a mostly sedentary role - but can also be said to afflict any of those working within the monetary system.

Back To Basics
The Japanese have discovered a form of therapy early on in the 20th century that can help rehabilitate those suffering with emotional stress. The process is to remove the sufferer from any stimulation through isolation with only their thoughts to deal with for a week. Following on from that, a programme of only light processes (like writing a blog) are given, to allow the thoughts to flow. After a period of reflection, heavy physical processes are introduced (like garden clearing or chopping wood). Tools on how better to deal with the emotions are introduced throughout and the satisfaction/rewards gained through enduring arduous tasks allows the individual to move forward into the final stages. It is at this point where re-integration into society facilitates the rehabilitated person to partake in regular life again but with the new tools of mindfulness, meditation and pulling on purpose-driven responses as apposed to the emotional ones, that allow greater harmony and internal peace to prevail.

Blogging

TESTAMENT TO THE TRUTH

Where has writing a daily blog in 2015 got me? I can't say I've accrued any additional wealth on a financial standing BUT, I have gained a wealth of information about myself and what I need to focus on next year in order to get somewhere in life.

Taking pen to paper or the virtual pen to the screen via a blog, has arguably been the best thing I've done to date. I've had a lot of fun times and I'm fortunate to say there's been a good deal of love, success and happiness over the years. However, we can all get a bit lost or caught up in the day to day dealings in life and suddenly start to question where we are heading? What's our purpose/our calling, and is there even any purpose to it all??? I guess some would call it a mid-life episode, but really, apart from letting go of the frivolities of youth, why do we have to change our ways anyway? Can't we carry on living and appreciating the life we have?

I believe we get too autonomous as we get older - too stuck in our ways. Some of the things we are doing are not good for our health or spiritual development - and if we allow them to go on, we could reach a point of despair later on down the road. This is where taking the time to write down our thoughts and learnings comes in to play. We can monitor just where the time is being spent and work out how best to make the most of the limited time that we have remaining.

All we have to do is to sit down on our own in the mornings and dedicate 20 minutes or so to write out our thoughts. Better still, use the Blogger iPhone app and add to the blog as you go about your day.

10 Day Countdown
It seems hard to believe that I'm just 10 days away from my yearly goal of writing consecutively for 365 days. I couldn't have foreseen this day or even believed it would have been possible, but here I am. It's a real testament to the fact that we just have to take small steps and believe in what we are doing. It's going to be a real eye opener looking back at what my thoughts have been and I very much look forward to the 1st day in January where I'll make my pledges for continuing my quest throughout 2016. 

Playing the game

THE ILLUSION

For most of us, the basic constructs of life are to; get a job, work hard, find a partner, have offspring and stay healthy to see our children mature and prosper. 

We make plans for how we are going to achieve this outcome and therefore place great significance on the jobs we take and how much money we earn to get time to spend appreciating the lives we've built for ourselves. 

Asked what job I wanted as a child, I would have aspired to be an explorer or a rock star. I've certainly explored - but the rock star has never become a reality for me. Everyone has something they can be good at and there's always those few who achieve their aspirational goals of becoming an astronaut or film star. But for many of us who end up turning the wheel in a 9-5 office job, it can all end up seeming so meaningless when we don't achieve that special 'goal' in life. 

Aiming for work goals that are for elevated status or financial wealth - these are empty objectives. Aspiring to 'be someone' - this is equally insignificant. Celebrity status is short lived, no matter how high the accolade. Who will really be remembered for a film they've appeared in 100 years from now - let alone 20 years? And when space travel becomes as common place as it is today when boarding a plane - being an astronaut loses its allure as something special too. So aspiring to 'be' nothing other than a truly better person, should be the ultimate goal in everyone's life.

Beyond this line of thinking - life is an illusion. Quantum theory tells us it's our perception of life that makes it 'real'. So essentially, it's what we make of it. Having purpose in our lives can still be inclusive of our job, whatever that is and achieving this purpose should be seen as a challenge for how best to work hard at honing our capabilities for achieving greatness in everything we do. 

Xmas Markets

MARCHES NÖEL SORT TRÉS BON!

Christmas markets are where the spirt of the season's festivities come to life. The UK hasn't really caught up with Europe on their festive offerings. Fortunately, there's so many great markets in France, Germany and other cities/towns in Europe where Christmas is celebrated, it's worth taking a short trip away to enjoy these foreign delights and see first hand how they measure up to xmas markets in the UK.

Arguably, beside's the fantastic and fun Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park, the Brits just don't seem to be able to capture the same 'spirit' of Christmas as our European cousins do - and, in my experience, they certainly can't offer such great value or quality. So at this time of year, it's a great adventure for the family to take the Eurostar, ferry or tunnel and head to one of the Northern French towns like Boulogne for some vin chaud and saussison.

While we do have access to the French food and wine in our supermarkets, it's just not the same as buying it directly from the farmers and their families who work the weekend markets in France. Eating some freshly prepared food, snacking on cured meats and sipping vin chaud/champagne, all for just a few Euros, in a beautiful medieval french town square, really makes such a great start to the holiday period.

Communication Limitation

EMOTIONAL RESPONSE

There's times when speaking our minds will be the right thing to do. It's knowing when it's right to communicate our opinions, that we can avert a potential disaster from occurring. Emotions will play a hand in every thing we say and do, so it pays to be aware of them to make the right decisions to speak up or not.

It's tough keeping our opinions to ourselves when we really want to let them out. We need an exceptional strength of mind and an elevated level of self control at those times when communication will do us no favours. 

When we are intoxicated, tired, stressed and the emotions are running high - this is when we are at the greatest risk. It's often after the emotions have passed that regret creeps in because we've said and done the wrong things. 

This is where yoga, meditation and breath focus will help distract us away from our negative thoughts and steer us to calmer controlled emotional states. It's this place of reason that we need to come from when we make those replies. 

Access Denied

These days, it's all too easy to make that mistake of communication when we shouldn't. So we need to make sure there's no smartphone, iPad or computer to hand. This will be that time a regretful connection via the Internet; facebook post, tweet, email or text can easily be pumped out into the ether, or phone call can be made that puts us in a bad situation. 

Choice for the Good

GOOD Vs EVIL

We all have a choice to do the right or wrong thing. And in every situation, there is always a right way to make something turn out good instead of bad. It's up to us to make that decision.

Think about the many ways we impact others in everyday situations. Giving up a seat for an elderly person, smiling and being courteous rather than dour and rude - these actions will all benefit us as much as it will do those who we bestow them upon.

Being in a situation right now where the people who can make or break my Christmas are currently looking to act on the side of break rather than make. I hope they can see that their actions will not bring any good upon me, should they choose to act on them, but will also affect their future selves. If they choose a bad decision over a good one, this will alter their own persona as they know they will be bringing misery to another person't life.

Higher Powers at Work

DIVINE INTERVENTION

Over the last 12 months, I've been at a crossroads in my life where recently, some of the most difficult stresses have all been weighing very heavily on me at the same time.

Why does it sometimes happen that way, where everything comes at once - is it perhaps from all the planets aligning that a kind of planetary energy field is created? How can so much negative stuff happen all at the same time!

Admittedly, I have just played a key part in my own downfall where I've added a problem that wasn't there - something that was looking really good - but which is now looking quite bad for me. It feels like my hand has been forced in some bizarre way. I'm not sure if I really deserve what is about to happen, or if it's a test or a lesson. All I do know is that this feels like it could break me if I allow it.

I'm hoping for another sign as to what to do, a more positive intervention to guide me in the right direction. But I have to keep my energy levels up if I'm to get a positive result.

A Dedication To My Inspiration

AN INSPIRATION

Many things have come together over time to inspire me on this path. There have been dear friends like Dean who have been my spiritual guide and teacher for a long time. I've had his guidance gifted in a way that I could accept without being cynical. Geoff Thompson, who, via Dean, has been a generous teacher - holding up a mirror to my face, for grasping the truths that have been right under my nose - seen but not actioned until now. My work situation over the last six years has been my main conduit for change and the tragic ending to 2014 my call to action.

Not Forgotten
Toby Allnut was just 40 years old when he took his life. It was a tragic coming at a the end of a particularly tough year in my place of work, News UK. The date has a lot of significance for me as I'd just returned from a much needed break and this first day back at work, cemented my commitment from that day forward, the need for creating a new life for myself. While I had been away on this holiday, I'd acknowledged how my depleted my mojo was and how lost my soul had become. I recognised in myself where my lack of enthusiasm, almost non-existent empathy and depleted desire for doing anything, was causing a potential spiral away from my true self.

The fact that it had taken this long for me to see what had been right in front of my face for so long - and the inability to make the changes that were needed for this new path, was a revelation. It had only come while I had some time to myself for reflection and headspace for hatching plans for the new year.

Coming home to this tragedy - the death of a well liked man seen by all as very happy go lucky - with everything seemingly going well for him, was a clear indication of how some people are beyond seeing the problems before it's too late. For me, the similarities between me and Toby were a wake up call for action. I hadn't fallen to far, but I was definitely getting dragged down slowly and surely into a darker place, which may have manifested in a breakdown, illness or worse in months or years to come.

Out Of Control
A friend of mine came home to a note saying 'Leave your job - or I leave you'. It was from his wife who had seen his character and mood change for the worse. He couldn't see tnhe changes in himself and didn't leave his job. But a few days after, when he woke on a beach wearing his suit, he realised that his mind was out of control. He didn't remember getting to the beach nor why he was there - but his worrying belief, which surfaced some days after, was that he was going to walk into the sea. He immediately left his job and hasn't really worked since in the same realms - ie. a high paced and stressful environment. He's had to find other ways to pay the bills.

This friend's story has been yet another inspiration and realisation for me that without proper help or support from friends, family and loved ones - something a lot of people don't have available to them....especially single men, we can all lose control of our lives and not even our even knowing it.

So, thank you to all my inspirations - especially you Toby - I could have missed my calling or given it just a fraction of the dedication that it really needed. You won't be forgotten.

Teetotal

ALL OR NOTHING

A year ago today, I'd just returned from an all inclusive holiday to Lanzarote. Life had become particularly stressful around this time and I had overindulged one too many times on holiday with my partner and I peeling ourselves off the couch, bed or from wherever we'd ended up in the morning, still in our clothes.

I made a decision this day a year ago, that I'd give up alcohol from January the 1st. I curbed the Christmas drinking - avoiding as many 'Christmas Drinks' as possible, and stuck to enjoying just the odd tipple with family over the Christmas holidays.

I'd never intended to give up drinking for good, but managed pretty much the first 6 weeks of the year, then another couple of periods abstaining until the Easter holidays. It was a lovely, ordered, reflective period in my life year when I can say I was fully in charge of myself, my actions and much more able to deal with some heavy situations that needed clarity of thought.

My partner and I have just come through a heavy few months since summer where the alcohol has increasingly taken over the weekends and some of the week. It's come to a point again where it's getting out of hand again.

Alcohol is not good for us in many ways, but much of the problem is how dependent we become on it's use for social interaction and as a filler for possibly empty lives. There is so much more to living than getting drunk with friends and yet, that's what we tend to live for. Countless weekends have been spent getting drunk or recovering from getting drunk and the weeks lost in a haze.

The cost of drinking on health and the bank balance is one thing, but the loss of focus, drive and discipline means the demons of self loathing and shame that visit us the day after, can put us on a spin of depression that takes us down a harmful spiral where drinking really does become a problem.

The culture of drinking in the UK, means we are a nation of borderline functioning alcoholics, but there seems to be a new trend where more youngsters are drinking less or nothing alcoholic at all. It's hard to start on a non-alcoholic drive, but after a week of abstinence, it does get easier. So next year I will aim for a longer period of staying away from drinking. My goal of being a teetotaller for longer should help gain an advantage over my life and where I want it to go.

Do As I Do

OR DO AS I SAY

People like to go their own way. They may seem to be taking valuable advice, but still not heed it. They don't want to do things my or your way. They would sooner do it their own way - even if it's wrong. They can't trust the fact that we may have had a beneficial learning experience and therefore in a better position to pass that knowledge on. But this is nothing unusual. Trust is a valuable commodity that has to be earned and the art of convincing takes time to learn.

Youngsters, it seems, are know-it-alls by 25. They have little focus and constantly flit around. This is because they can. They're young. They have the luxury of having time on their side to learn from mistakes. But being older doesn't necessarily mean being any the wiser either. Many older people are holding on to the errors made in their earlier years and have become stuck in their ways - stubborn and inflexible to change. They stick to what they know even when it's clearly not paying dividends.

Generally, I'm a lone wolf rather than a team player. I don't blindly take other people's advice, but I do try to find the best way of accomplishing things by following another's advice. I tend to go with what I know best, but ultimately, it's my way or the high way a lot of the time. So it follows that for a lot of the time, I'm alone on my highway. This is a shame, because I believe I've made some marked success in what I do. But it's not always the easy or the conformed way of doing things, so many prefer to take their own conventional route rather than risk relying on me. And it's this questioning of my competence, ability and expertise that I find frustrating. It wears me down and hence why I'm often doing things my own way. There's only so much effort we can put in to convince others to join our way of thinking. But, because I'd really like to give something back to the human race, I'm going to require some patience in order to learn how to best convince others.

Conviction At Work

It takes a multitude of communications skills to win people over. Without these skills, we can fail to convince others of our wants, desires and needs. It's something I've only had a small amount of success with in the past and often been a struggle for me working in the studio as a designer. I will put my best efforts creating something I'm happy with, only to find someone heavily opinionated (not necessarily talented or right), making changes for no real significant gain, possibly compromising the design/idea and/or taking the credit/shirking the blame in the process. They essentially are masters of communication, confidence and conviction. Creative work is always subjective and everyone considers themselves to be a qualified designer or creative on some level. Being a designer, photographer or a writer - the same applies for these professions too. Until you get the credibility, you'll always have to battle to get your opinions heard. We'll never escape the critics and disbelievers - nobody ever does, but through learning the skills of communication to convince others - we'll be heard more of the time.

Training someone for fitness is also just as hard, as people really don't want to listen to the dietary advice or commit to the sessions. The results aren't immediate enough for them and they are quick to give up following our advice. Hence, this is another role where I've become coarse talking on deaf ears. But, at the end of the day, it's because we all think we know best.

Remember The Mentors

There are always going to be others with more experience and skill than us. We need to know who these people are and when to listen to them. I have spent almost a year investigating better ways to improve myself. These newfound ideas are not my own, I have learned them from others. They are easy to discover on your own, but why not look at someone who has discovered them already? My skills for convincing you to believe in me are currently lacking. I will write a book in 2016. I'll give it my best shot and pour my heart & soul into it. I've never written a book before and it might not be any good. But without my powers of communication and confidence, how will my discovered and shared ideas be followed and appreciated?

Humility & Confidence
So it pays to take advice from someone who really knows what they are doing. But we don't like information being force fed to us. Without having some humility - the art of being humble - we could be seen as too arrogant or self-obsessed. Being able to recognise the value, opinions and guidance from a teacher/elder & wiser person - that's the only time when I do as others say. So, we all need to better learn how to give the time, respect, to listen & learn from others, in order to learn how we can make these improvements in ourselves for passing on our own teachings.

The X factor

THE CHOSEN FEW

Catching the finals of the X Factor this weekend, I was surprised to see just how good some of it's contestants have become in a relatively short time frame.

I don't usually watch the show - as I believe it gives too much false hope to these wannabe stars and takes away our focus from the small venues up and down the country where true talent works hard at their craft before being discovered more 'organically'. But whatever our opinion of the show, or what we think of it's creators and their motives - it's still very entertaining to watch and was for me this year, a real eye opener to witness just how good the 17 year old 2015 winner is. 

Seeing these select few performers stand up in front of a crowd of 10,000+ people and sing so confidently alongside long-standing superstars like Rod Stewart, is both heart warming and inspiring. Having the magical stage presence and incredible vocals as well as the ability to pour such heartfelt emotion into a song at such a young age, really is something remarkable.

Is it raw talent? Is it hard work or is it something more than that. Some people just seem to have 'it'. They have something special - but they still need to apply themselves to get recognised for having these qualities. Hearing these budding young stars talk about their dream of being on the stage and having the chance to shine - I feel a little bit sad for them, because the limelight can be a cruel place and maybe they will never fully realise their dream.

The show has a double edge to it. Yes it could be a kind of talent lottery that propels these people to stardom, fame and fortune. But realistically, how much further will it take them? Maybe their focus on being in the show is enough - and they come home knowing they gave it a go, enjoying their brief moment of living in the limelight. Others may come close to the finals before being dropped and that won't be enough for them, leaving them feeling dejected and a failure. The winners may actually already be at their peak on the night and not realise it. Because if we look back at the history of the show's winners since 2004, we can see there's only a few years of success at most. Some of the show winners have gone back to complete obscurity. The only real memorable talent that became a global star, is Leona Lewis. Interesting that she appeared on the weekend's show where I thought she seemed a little below par. Since being dropped by Simon Cowell's record label, she's had a bit of a roller coaster herself coming to terms with the ups and downs of fame and success.

Being in the limelight and having such an intense focus on how one looks, sings, acts and performs is tough. It's no wonder so many fall into depression and addiction. The same can be said for sporting stars too - the pressure to stay at the top and the hurt felt as the lights move to the next 'lucky' soul. This phenomena is not just exclusive to being a celebrity or performer either as many others around us have those special talents and star qualities which are expressed in a multitude of other ways, through their actions and hard work.

Therefore, we really need to have X Factor awards for those who do selfless acts - like looking after the sick, caring for elderly or doing other charitable deeds. As Leona Lewis has seen, having these qualities and using the fame from performance success as a positive vehicle for sharing this compassion with the the fans, will not only guide celebrities to focus on what's really important - but also ensure the light continues to shine on them long after the stage show has come to a close.

Death Of The Internet

RIP - YOU'LL BE MISSED

We had it good for a while. The freedoms of the internet to connect, share, break down walls and be free from convention - it was great while we had them. The Pirate's Dilemma promised so much.

Regulation, copyright protection, government intervention, corporation control - these have all started the demise and ultimately brought about the death of the internet. Do a search in Google for anything controversial - like torrent sites, government cover-up theories, compromising stories of the rich and powerful or left-field reportage and blogs. Even with a VPN, which used to allow access to stuff that was controlled by IP filters and locked down through various internet service providers - where you could find other countries free from the EU, UK or USA's control, that would show this information, but now the stuff isn't there anymore. Either they have been shut down or the powers that be have restricted their offering. Look at all the videos removed on Youtube for a sign of how heavy handed the copyright laws have become.

With the advances in computer power and low-cost digital filing, we are being monitored and censored like never before. And anything not fitting in with the powers that be is shut down under the name of terrorism, copyright infringement, or merely just because it could upset someone in power. We're being increasingly told what's 'good for us' and what they don't want us to know about is being filtered out. Some of the information could be potentially harmful to minors and yes, some of the digital property needs to be paid for, but the responsibility needs to be in the hands of the individual to make the right choices. That's why the freedom of information act needs to be signed and supported by the population.

The greatest era for learning, connecting and empowerment is here. It's up to us all to ensure it's still here for the future generations to enjoy with the freedom to make the greatest advances in mankind's ongoing development.

Knowing and Doing

DOING WHAT WE LOVE

We only have a short time on this planet. There's no avoiding that fact. There's no guarantee that we'll be here tomorrow either - let alone in 20 years time. The years are ticking by fast and there's no moment like the present to enjoy the things we live for.

We all have to do stuff that we don't really like doing - but we need to know what those things are that we do enjoy. That way we have something available on hand when we need it the most.

Identify The Stressors
Make a list of all the things we struggle with - anything that we get stressed or upset doing. Write down in a list. For example:

- Being around negativity
- Not having enough sleep
- Being told what to do
- Not having order/efficiency
- Having too much order to the point of obsessiveness
- Not being able to finish a task
- Others not doing a task as well as liked
- Doing something in conflict with our moral core

Identify What We Live For
Again make a list of the things that make us happy - things that we enjoy. Keep everything in a place where it can be accessed. I use my 'Notes' app on the iPhone but there are plenty of alternatives.

- Staying healthy
- Learning

- Reading
- Having fun
- Exploring
- Seeing Mum & Dad as much as possible

- Spending time with family
- Having someone to share life with

- Having meaningful work 

- Self Development

- Challenging myself

- Yoga

- Riding a bike

- Being in nature

- Experiencing the sublime: Mountains and the sea

- Getting space/time alone to appreciate life

Keep refreshing yourself with the list on a regular basis. Then make amends to avoid the stressors and do more of the things you love. Choose life!

The Twilight Zone

DEAD CALM

The dead of night comes in that quiet time, at around 1-3am. When most are deep in sleep, the conscious and subconscious mind will be working on the events of the day to make sense of them, categorising and storing fresh memories. It's also known as the twilight zone.

“There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call the Twilight Zone.”

While The Twilight Zone is also an American TV series that ran from 1958-2003, it is also a time in the still of night when we can wake from sleep feeling confused, anxious, afraid or sometimes, if we're fortunate, calm and with a clarity of thought that helps us to make sense of the moments we've missed or misunderstood from the day. This can even bring up regressed and forgotten thoughts from much deeper in our past too. These 'penny dropping' moments can bring about life-affirming revelations and wisdom. Often, any troubling thoughts/problems we've been dealing with on a subconscious level, can rise to the surface where we 'discover' them. This phenomena occurs while our conscious mind and ego - which has been masking these thoughts, is dozing, and therefore at that moment unable to hide them from us any longer.

We need good quality sleep to allow the brain to function well working on these subconscious thoughts and without the intervention of our ego. Sleep runs in cycles where we allow deep sleep and REM sleep to help make the necessary repairs to body & mind. Having adequate time for quality sleep, will allow us feel physically rested and help to sort information/store memories for better brain function. 

According to Chinese Meridian Medicine, our bodies also have times in the day when our organs make repairs. It's around 1-3am that the liver will purge itself. Hence why eating certain types of food or drinking alcohol, can affect our sleep patterns and why we sometimes find ourselves awake in the dead of night feeling anxious.

Fears & Confirmations

It's ok to come out of our sleeping cycles, providing we can get back to sleep again. Eating certain foods can incite more lucid dreams or wake us to an altered and hyper aware enlightened state. Identifying the right foods for creating a peaceful and wise mind state, will help connect with the subconscious like I did in this most recent experience. Last night, after a light meal of grilled Salmon and stir fried vegetables (which contained fresh chilli's - a stimulant), I woke to some thoughts that have been playing over in my subconscious. 

Exactly a week ago after consuming a lot of alcohol, I woke at this time but with bouts of anxiety. But on this occasion, when I woke, my mind was calm and clear. I realised that my fears of last week - the fears of:

– Not being able to take this year's daily findings which I've learned about myself, anywhere beyond this blog - ie. successfully pass on to others and write a book. 

– How my friends and family are perceiving me - all waiting patiently for something amazing to materialise from this exercise or my return to the previous life - one of normality and conformity.

My fear of failure. The fear which stops us from even trying. That voice which says 'Who are you?' and what makes YOU so special? These fears, are still there with me - as they will also be with you too. They are the same fears that faced me at 5am with a blank page on the first day of 2015 and have whispered to me every morning since - yet I have continued to take the blind steps every day into the unknown.

So my calming thoughts at 3am last night were confirmations. They told me that it's not a race - it's a journey that will take time. It might take me a lifetime - as it did Nelson Mandella to transform himself from an angry man to one motivated by love and a leader who understands the importance of humility. But, I have realised this anew and will write this into my affirmations journal, which I carry with me at all times, to reassure me on the next dark night when fearful thoughts arise again. It's also taught me that any failures of mine along the way (my Yoga 1 course that needs redoing), just as those who failed the SAS training at the last hour in the Channel 4 series that I watched this week tell me - you have to pick yourself up and keep going forward. No retreat - no surrender!

Community Support

THE SPOONS

The community centre. A place for all walks of life to gather for group activities, social support and public information. An unlikely venue for this type of hub is the Wetherspoon's Pub.

Many pubs offer their patrons a safe, warm and friendly environment to gather with friends but none seem to do so well as these chain of pubs do, or can offer that extra bit more than advertised. It's not just the great value food and drink on offer. These places are like sanctuaries for some who have lost their way - safe-havens to visit, where there is warmth from companionship and happiness to be found from sharing good banter and a drink or two with friends.

The Moon Under Water is a fictional pub that George Orwell envisaged. A place where real ales and good value food can be found, where the whole community can enjoy being together, without exclusion. This is the reasoning behind the inspiration for JD Wetherspoon and I think they got it so right.

These places are indeed a community centre, where one can find solace and kin, a friendly face or a shoulder to lean on. They offer us a chance to be human, acknowledging those who we may also be or become and not sneer or judge. It's the only public place I know where one can feel comfortable being when not at our best, where ordering a drink before 10 am is not seen as a bad thing and where we can mix without criticism.

Special Forces

THE ELITE

Training to be in the special forces - it requires so much more than purely physical strength. It takes more than courage.

When qualifying as a soldier for the elite military services, the selection process is designed to test the strength & stamina of the recruits with tough physical/psychological challenges but ultimately, it's the strength of one's character that the crack core team are looking for. 

Being in a theatre of war with the threat of bullets, bombs, death and destruction coming from all around you, there needs to be an iron will for getting the job done in the face of adversity and when the chances of survival are greatly compromised. It takes a certain type of person to do this. 

Looking at the different character traits of the 30 people taking part in the selection process on the Channel 4 TV show, it appears that those who will be best suited to this role are the ones who have a less-inflated ego of themselves. The selectors are looking for confidence - not arrogance. The right balance of humility and valour signs up the less than 10% who take up this challenge.

The 40% Rule
If there's ever such a great test of a man (or woman?) where the training itself can break (or even kill) those being pushed to their absolute limits - it's the SAS selection process. And if there was a way for us all to take a mental/physical toughness test where the end result was not warfare, but the making of a more confident, tougher and resilient individual, we would all be able to live closer in tune with our truer selves. Maybe it's time to reinstate national service in the UK once again.

Deal or no Deal

HOLDING OUT TO THE END

It takes nerves of steel, but those that take the considered gamble and stay in control of their emotions, can get bigger payouts in the end. And we're not just talking about a TV show here. 

So many times in our lives, we've missed out on better results because we've not had the nerves, guts, determination or foresight to push on. That's because we naturally have a stronger aversion to loss when taking a risk. It's the reason why computers have taken the human factor out of decision making in the stock market. We fear the loss of what we could gain - and fail to press that button.

The way to get better results in the game of life, is to keep on top of how we've faired in the past - noticing when the right decisions have been taken over the wrong ones and remembering when a positive result has been won over a potentially bad one. Our memories cheat us, so we need to write things down. 

Today marks the end of a period when I've been saying 'No Deal'. It's been stressful and much sleep has been lost over these last 11 months. But, through being strong and patiently sitting this out to the end, when it's been so tough - I've now got the result I wanted and deserve. I've not only benefitted in monetary terms, which is of course great, but I've learned a lot about myself in the process too. It takes guts, determination and perseverance to get what we want out of life. 

Too many of us are quick to cave in for what is believed to be an easier life. Knowing what our limits are, will help us to make better decisions. We can't act on these decisions until we've gone through some painful situations. This is a fact of life and the earlier we learn this - the sooner we get better at dealing with the discomfort - and the bigger the payouts will be when we do.

The Inner Child

THE STUBBORN AND REBELLIOUS ONE

The ego is an identity of our own construction which states our beliefs and abilities. And just as a small child will seek solace to diminish fears, our anxieties expressed through the inner voice, will manifest attachments to the ego, which given the power to dictate who we are, create emotional turmoil in our lives.

We build up our ego from birth. It is implanted within us by our mother/care givers, our peers and society. We have a need to fit in and conform with those around us. It's a process of finding the right way and it's not easy to accomplish. That's why we all struggle with our ego and are prone to inner conflict when we follow our false centre rather than become more attuned to our truer self.

Through ongoing skilful and compassionate mindfulness, understanding where our strengths lie and our weaknesses hide, we can live a meaningful existence in harmony, without being controlled by the ego. We hold on to the ego too firmly, allowing it to take over in many aspects of our lives, especially when we come up against another's ego and their ever-controlling needs. How do we manage and adapt our ego so we're better equipped for dealing with the ego-centric world around us?

There are many tools and studies that help highlight our characteristics, preferences and personality 'types'. There are tests that can be taken online, books to be read and a past for us to delve into where we can identify why we are the people we are now, how we got there and if this adult we've become is the best we can be.

Adult Life - Like A Playground
A fascinating programme on Channel 4 called: The secret lives of 4,5,6 year old's offers us a great insight into a child's growth over a two week period, where we observe their ability to fit within a group and form friendships. Playing at Big Brother, we can see these little people in their early stages of development, witnessing their struggles to comprehend the complex interplay of relationships. In them, we in turn can all recognise the issues we had to face as children, and as adults, have either become more successful at dealing with over time or are still wrestling with these same complex issues. This dilemma, will either be through our lack of applied learning or an inability for us to even recognise and take better control of these traits in ourselves.

Taking A View From Third Person Perspective
I could see patterns in a few of these children that resonated with me - and issues that maybe weren't addressed as well at the time or have become so ingrained into my personality, that I need to give more focus now as an adult in order to better understand myself and improve how I interact with other people. In effect, sefl-observations like this process followed over an extended timeframe, make my ego more flexible/adaptable, to better fit in with the needs of others.

From just watching a few minutes of this TV show, I began to identify with situations some of the kids were going through. The show made me laugh at times but I felt uncomfortable and even quite sad at other points in the show. I really felt for these kids and rooted for them to find the right answers to make them happy. Some of the traits they have and are dealing with – are traits I still carry with me to this day and will be the same for many others still living out their childhood. For example:

- I remember not wanting to be in a group and feeling uncomfortable doing things that I did not already know about or had checked out myself first beforehand and knew them to be okay.
I am very independent, still hold back from groups and will quickly revert to doing my own thing.
- I was an introverted and imaginative child. I preferred to play alone with Lego, creating symmetrical and complex structures. I would fight anyone who tried to take Lego pieces and refused to share them with other kids.
I still conceive solitary ideas, making my own designs and developing concepts which I then struggle to share – and find it difficult when taking suggestions/input/criticism from others.
- I can join in, but on my own terms and still struggle to play along to someone else's rules.
I will always have an out – and prefer to do it my way (which is always the best way in my opinion).
- I lack compassion and struggle to show empathy towards others, as I prefer solitary play.
I will back away from emotional situations/confrontations and find it difficult to identify with my own emotions. I lack the ability to catch feelings & emotions before they attach themselves to a situation and develop into a mood or physical manifestations.
- I'm fiercely competitive - and will get an edge any way I can.
I always follow a pre-thought-out plan and maintain a cunning mindset in order to beat the system and anybody who gets in my way with everything I do - this permeates through every waking moment - even down to trivialities like how I get a privileged position on the tube in the rush hour.
- I have boundless energy, will play hard with others and fight back when encountering an equal.
I grew up on a council estate, I've fought bullies and learned to fight back from an early age so as not to let anyone take advantage of me. This has created someone who can't let go easily. But I do manage to command respect and will give it back to those who show it to me.

Personality Types
As well as recognising these above character traits, just from seeing parallels in some of the situations the kids experienced on the TV show - I also have the Myers Briggs model to measure against, showing preferences towards: INTJ, INTP, ENTJ or ENTP - depending on the day and with whom I take the test with.

In a team situation, according to Meredith Belbin, I also have a Completer-Finisher mindset. This makes me a taskmaster both to myself and directed at colleagues, rendering me unwilling to delegate or take criticism from others, at times appearing absent-minded or having a lack of concern about taking breaks or letting-up on pressure for the rest of the team to achieve goals I've set.

According to another set of personality studies, I also fit a type 'A' personality profile, which means I'm all kinds of bad, including; lacking in compassion, über-competitive and always trying to fit too much in, hence prone to stress, bouts of hostility and potentially an early death, through stress-related issues like high blood pressure! On top of this, I have a sense of duty and a fear of failure - meaning I feel the need to look out for others, fighting additional battles to sort things out and taking on extra responsibilities - leaving me depleted and socially withdrawn.

If we want to go even further, another ancient system for personality identification, is the Enneagram of Personality model. There are different schools of thought among Enneagram teachers and so their ideas on some of the theoretical aspects of this system are not always in agreement and the theories are therefore open to interpretation. However, I seem to be strongly aligned to number '8' 'The Challenger'. This has a bizarrely accurate resonance with me - and therein contains the potential for both heroic acts at it's peak and sociopathic traits at the lowest level!

The Rebellious Type - First Born
Birth order affects the outcome of personality too. I'm the first born. This would have been a stressful situation for my parents as they learned to be parents, and stressful for me to find my way. At 4 1/2, my brother's birth would have been a shock and a downgrading of my position as the sole child. This would have had many levels of psychological impact on me and my position in the family. Frank Sulloway, author of Born to Rebel states: A real rebel doesn't only have problems with authority figures (like boss, teacher, parents, police). A real rebel has problems with everyone, including his or her lover, friends and strangers. And a real rebel also has trouble with himself, which expresses itself as self-destruction.

Not Looking Good - Or Is It?
So I'm a stubborn, introverted rebel, lacking in compassion or empathy. OR, I learn to explore the other side of my psyche - investing more energy and time in the parts of my personality that are lesser-known or utilised and through dedicated and focused practice, make concerted efforts to build a more robust and balanced personality and more flexible ego for better dealing, not only with myself but for interacting with the world around me. This is something we could all do more of. Habits can be unlearned and virtues can be practised. 

This point marks a breakthrough date along a focussed path of self-discovery. It's taken me 339 days to get here and I'm now better equipped to continue my journey with a clearer view on the horizon of where I choose to go next.