Teetotal

ALL OR NOTHING

A year ago today, I'd just returned from an all inclusive holiday to Lanzarote. Life had become particularly stressful around this time and I had overindulged one too many times on holiday with my partner and I peeling ourselves off the couch, bed or from wherever we'd ended up in the morning, still in our clothes.

I made a decision this day a year ago, that I'd give up alcohol from January the 1st. I curbed the Christmas drinking - avoiding as many 'Christmas Drinks' as possible, and stuck to enjoying just the odd tipple with family over the Christmas holidays.

I'd never intended to give up drinking for good, but managed pretty much the first 6 weeks of the year, then another couple of periods abstaining until the Easter holidays. It was a lovely, ordered, reflective period in my life year when I can say I was fully in charge of myself, my actions and much more able to deal with some heavy situations that needed clarity of thought.

My partner and I have just come through a heavy few months since summer where the alcohol has increasingly taken over the weekends and some of the week. It's come to a point again where it's getting out of hand again.

Alcohol is not good for us in many ways, but much of the problem is how dependent we become on it's use for social interaction and as a filler for possibly empty lives. There is so much more to living than getting drunk with friends and yet, that's what we tend to live for. Countless weekends have been spent getting drunk or recovering from getting drunk and the weeks lost in a haze.

The cost of drinking on health and the bank balance is one thing, but the loss of focus, drive and discipline means the demons of self loathing and shame that visit us the day after, can put us on a spin of depression that takes us down a harmful spiral where drinking really does become a problem.

The culture of drinking in the UK, means we are a nation of borderline functioning alcoholics, but there seems to be a new trend where more youngsters are drinking less or nothing alcoholic at all. It's hard to start on a non-alcoholic drive, but after a week of abstinence, it does get easier. So next year I will aim for a longer period of staying away from drinking. My goal of being a teetotaller for longer should help gain an advantage over my life and where I want it to go.

Practice

PRACTICE SLOWLY - PROGRESS QUICKLY

While listening to a podcast today on music and perfect pitch, I'm fondly reminded of my piano teacher. 

It's my 10 year old niece's birthday next week and we're buying her a Casio digital keyboard. Learning to play a musical instrument is something we should all try in our lifetime. Playing a piano has been one of the greatest things I've achieved for connecting the body and mind. As well as playing jazz/blues, I've also learned classical music and this has been one of my greatest endeavours.

To learn the notes that have been produced by the musical masters like Beethoven, Mozart and Chopin, is truly to be connected with genius itself. This skill wouldn't come immediately, as there'd be a lot of work put in to accomplish this feat with much practice. It would be difficult at first. To learn how to read the musical notes, takes much patience and time, just as we would need time learning a foreign language. And to then play this music, written by these great composers, will also require lots of slow, careful practice and a highly focussed commitment to do this over a period of time. Eventually, with these very deliberate efforts, the notes will flow faster until the song could be performed well enough in front of an audience where the appreciation of the mastery can be fully appreciated.

I can clearly remember the many hours of practice on our piano at home and I believe this focus has helped with my creativity, dexterity plus appreciation of music and the arts as well as boosting confidence and ability to perform well under pressure with such close scrutiny.

The Can Do Mentality

DO OR DIE

Having the strength to leave a fun environment, to then embark on an arduous 3hr bus replacement journey back home from Brighton at 6am after having no sleep - to sit in a hot classroom for 5 hours and try to learn with a foggy hangover - all felt pretty tortuous this morning. 

Most would think this was a nightmare endurance feat. A lot would likely not do it and even if they did, would struggle to get themselves back on track for days after. Yet here I am back on the train, ready for the next two nights of drunken debauchary and actually feeling ok. 

I'd made a commitment to take on a massive 4 day stag-do with my first yoga instructor lesson falling slap bang in the middle. The timing for these two opposing events couldn't have been any worse but I'd made a commitment to myself to get the best of both worlds. I couldn't let down my yoga teacher or my best mate. I'd also be letting myself down and I couldn't live with that so I opted for a day of struggle instead. It was tough, but there are far tougher challenges in the world. All it took for me to accomplish this feat, was to keep a can-do mindset. 

Marathon Monks

The Marathon Monks have a very real life or death commitment to keep. They need to stick with their decision to take the challenge of running the equivalent of about 1000 marathons over seven years. Because they either complete the arduous challenge which escalates their status to that of a supreme enlightened guru - or they must take their own life if they fail. 

So what does it teach us about commitment? Most of our decisions are hardly life and death matters but if they matter that much, then we need to stick to them. And if it means enduring a few hours schlepping across country on our poor public transport services or getting through a day or two of feeling ropey, one needs to think of these monks running marathons daily and how easy we have everything in relation to all those who have hardships daily in their lives. 

Playing Catch Up

OVERLOADED IN-TRAY

It's been a great summer. Lots of laughs. Lots of partying with lots of late nights. This means work priorities have built up and some of the important jobs have been neglected - or worked on, but poorly and with insufficient brain power to really give the best performance to the duties that are required to get things done.

Summer still has some legs left in it and there'll be some more late nights and fun to be had in this year's summer swan-song closing party. Now it's time to catch up and focus on some of the important tasks that are getting close to crunch time. This coming week not only has a re-sit on an exam, but a re-look at my tax appeal with HMRC, plus this blog has arguably suffered these last couple of months - with less focus on research plus quality/quantity of the words written not as great as I'd like them to be written.

The morning routine has also been off for a while now - and although the yoga has been mostly kept up with, the boxing and weight/fitness training has barely been enough for damage limitation. Also, the language learning and 20 pages a day reading commitments has not always been possible - certainly not at the quality it deserves to be performed at to be able to retain what I'm learning.

Starting from October, I'll be taking on a new course for learning about yoga, the PT qualification will be ready to make use of and there'll be a decision made on finances that could mean no debt and a decent amount of money available for another smart investment. Exciting times ahead - once the in-tray has been reduced down to a manageable level...  

Be Sure About One Thing...

MAKE IT YOUR WORD

Mean what you do and do what you say. Give the message that you have integrity. If you are true to what you believe and stick to these beliefs, you have more substance than the vast majority of people who cannot stand by their core ideals, let alone morals.

It's tricky staying true to your word. Even without trying, we tend to slip up and unconsciously vocalise something we mean but have no real intention of keeping to. And if we could just listen to ourselves more often, to really think about what we are putting out into the universe, we would take more time to consider the value of what we're talking about. How many times have we spoken up in the spur of the moment, gotten excited or swayed into saying something to others that we cannot stick to? Countless times. All that can be forgiven, but if we can't look someone in the eyes, shake their hand and commit to an agreement, then we have nothing of any true value.

Rising To The Challenge

TOUGHEN UP

Rising to the challenge every morning has taken on an extra meaning for me these days. Getting out of bed to do something physically challenging like boxing - before most have even thought about getting out of bed, has given me a new strength of character and ability to take a lot of lesser taxing challenges on the chin without a wobble, throughout the day. 

Agreeing to commit to this morning's challenge with my boxing trainer and most importantly - keeping this commitment with myself - when I could so very easily have taken a few more hours in bed, has meant other aspects in my life have also been set in concrete. It's tough training but by following it through consistently and always taking the challenge, means other tough challenges have also been risen up to - and taken face on. 

Daily Discomfort

My partner and I now stick to a morning exercise routine every day - come rain or shine. It's usually at 5.30am and involves some tough physical challenges like sustained planks. Sometimes, after a late night with a little too much alcohol involved, it can make this challenge even more uncomfortable than it usually is. It's on these occasions that the extra effort to complete these exercises really strengthens our resolve. By sticking to the plan even though the mind has been telling us not to and having discomfort at such an early point in the day - lays down strong foundations for dealing with whatever the rest of the day throw at us. Chances are, as the discomfort becomes tolerated enough over time, a toughness will be built up meaning everything following on from that will feel like a breeze in comparison!

Say What You Do - Do What You Say

BIG TALK

How many times in our lives have we said we're going to do something and failed to deliver on it? Many times for sure - because talk is cheap. We often talk on autopilot and a lot of the time we don't even realise we're doing this. So, to deliver on what we're saying, we really need to be more mindful of what we are saying and what we can stick to. 

Focussing On The Moment

The worst time to have a conversation is when the mind is occupied with another task. If one attempts to engage in a conversation at the same time as performing another task, the mind disengages from comprehension and retention of information, In a compromised state, the person multi-tasking will likely agree to anything that's put to them - often to a disadvantage. Many have gotten wise to this fact and why distraction is often used as a tool for ensuring consent to desired plans.

It's easy to respond to questions without thinking through what it is we really want to say first. It's also really easy to talk 'twaddle' - mindless small talk. Sometimes it can feel like the part of the brain responsible for talking, is acting completely on it's own accord. One may get told by partners that they have said something - with no recollection of saying it. This mindfulness problem will get multi-tasker in a lot of trouble! I've personally caught myself mid-stream agreeing to a task, when I knew full well I was not going to be able to commit to it. 

Some falsely believe they can multitask. The reality is, that tasks can be taken on simultaneously, but all will be compromised. We all really need to focus on what we're doing, including having a meaningful conversation. This means completely averting energies on other tasks, making eye contact, and then thoughtfully considering exactly what is being discussed before agreeing to something that needs to be carried through with mutual agreement. 

The Morning Schedule

A good example of where the focus on communication has started to work, comes with one's commitment to the morning schedule. A group of us called the 5am club has been committing to an exercise routine for some time now. Qi Gong, planks, press-ups and physio exercises every day before breakfast. Sometimes, however, a late night with friends, a few too many drinks and not enough food, means the early start and physical exertion becomes more of a challenge - a good excuse you'd think, for changing plans. Not any more. Previously, one of us would decide that they wanted to stay in bed longer or skip the exercises. This was becoming a difficult situation because we'd take turns to break the rules so much that there was no routine and the group was beginning to disintegrate.

The solution was to have a meaningful conversation the night before and mutually agree on a plan for the following day. If there was a good enough reason for a time change - then fine, we'd make the adjustment, but under no circumstances was the chain going to be broken by not sticking to the routine. 

Seinfeld's 'Chain' Strategy

There's been a few people laying claim to this simple but effective technique, which is essentially just making a plan and sticking to it - like writing something in a blog every day or doing 3x 2 minute planks and 50 continuous press-ups - even with a hangover. 

Integrity Rules

Each time we make 'pacts' within groups, with family, friends, partners and with ourselves, we need to be aware that breaking this contract, also damages our integrity. If this continues, the ability to stick to plans, and firm up beliefs and ability to stay on the path of truth, becomes weakened. Our moral compass lowers. 

Staying true to our word and starting from plans made the evening before, with actions taken the following morning – will aid us in creating healthy habits and positive lifestyle changes.

Daily Intentions

SETTING THE RECORD STRAIGHT

Watching someone like Lee Holden, who has inspired me to practice Qi Gong every morning - I can clearly see someone who is truly happy with what they are doing in life. Success has followed happiness and Lee, it seems, is becoming the ambassador for an ancient eastern art form that brings health and vitality to himself and into the lives of millions. 

Having partners, family, friendships and work commitments to maintain/keep, means we're compromising ourselves a lot of the time. This means our fun, companionship and family/work relationships and all the responsibilities they entail, can temporarily detract us from where we are aiming to go in our lives. 

Everyone has intentions, but for most, they are not clearly defined. They are led by desires and easily changed through lack of focus, manipulation from others, or lost through intoxication. It takes extra effort to stop ourselves from being pulled off the day's intended path. It's that feeling, waking after an unplanned, late night of alcohol-fuelled shenanigans that the things you'd planned to do, got thrown out of the window. It's these situations in particular that we all wish to be more in control of – always seems like a good idea at the time...

Letting oneself down, feeling weak-willed and a failure - these are very negative thoughts that need to be avoided. Fun is an easy detractor from a path of intention, so there have to be pre-thoughts for the day to make allowances for these times when we're more susceptible to losing track of the day. A simple few minutes to think through possible scenarios and levels of flexibility for the day is all is needed to avoid having those dreaded feelings of self-loathing. There's always going to be other opportunities for fun.

Every evening, I will look at the following day's calendar of proposed events, my intentions and what I want to get out of the day. These intentions will then be discussed with my partner to better understand her intentions for the day too and we'll look at the possible factors that could scupper plans. This way, we will know what it means if we fall too far from our intended paths and already have a plan B to fall back on.  

Get Military This Spring

TEN-HUP!

At the start of the year when I first started my 5am starts, it was a lot easier for me to commit to and easy to stick with once the new regime was underway. This, I put down to the fact, that it was dark in the mornings and dark again before 4pm. Therefore, it was easy to get into bed at 9pm and rise after 8 hours sleep when the rest of the city was asleep. The hibernation mentality was all I had to beat.

Now the days are so long and everyone is out in the sun - merrily having some fun...and it's hard not to get involved. I'm slipping on the 5am starts and other commitments are slipping too. So it's time to get military on myself to get everything back on track!

Setting a goal and then breaking it is not cool. It sends out all kinds of wrong messages that removes control of our actions and allows bad habits to creep back in. We can take breaks if we allow them, but breaking commitments and promises - especially with ourselves....is a big NO if we want to get on in our lives. If we set timings on these commitments, we need to constantly adjust them to make them a challenge. That means increasing the intensity, frequency and creating new goals. We have to keep putting in the hard work if we want the results.

Thinking of Sylvester Stallone again today, I was reminded of Rambo 4 (even if you're not a fan of his films, you have to admire the man). After watching this film, I then watched the interviews with the cast, crew and Mr Stallone himself. Working in over 80% humidity for 18 hour days in the Thai forest was really tough - and this was the cast & crew talking. Sylvester Stallone not only starred in this film, but he wrote, directed and co-produced it too and he's in his 60's when making this.

When everyone had gone to bed, Stallone was checking the rushes. In the mornings, he was first on the set. He had what it takes to push on through because he'd prepared himself by conditioning his body and mind over many years. That's why he's so successful and still making films today. So, if we want to cut loose a bit and have a break - that's fine. We just need to establish some boundaries and allow for down time. This is where we need to be the tightest on the rules we set with ourselves, so we can work & play hard too.

From tomorrow, following the Qi-gong 10 minute wake up routine, we have increased our morning exercises to incorporate 6x1 minute planks (with 15 seconds break between), followed by a set of posture correcting exercises. This adds up to 20 minutes of extra time needed in the morning so there has to be a fixed time to do this. The new 'military' rules mean there will be no break in this routine from today and the alarm will chime time every morning at the same time until the next re-evaluation date.

Having a fixed time/schedule means there's no excuses not to be ready - just as the army will have disciplined ways of do their routines. We pledge to continue on this routine until this current cycle is finished. And at the end of June, we'll look at what the next cycle will be.