Deal or no Deal

HOLDING OUT TO THE END

It takes nerves of steel, but those that take the considered gamble and stay in control of their emotions, can get bigger payouts in the end. And we're not just talking about a TV show here. 

So many times in our lives, we've missed out on better results because we've not had the nerves, guts, determination or foresight to push on. That's because we naturally have a stronger aversion to loss when taking a risk. It's the reason why computers have taken the human factor out of decision making in the stock market. We fear the loss of what we could gain - and fail to press that button.

The way to get better results in the game of life, is to keep on top of how we've faired in the past - noticing when the right decisions have been taken over the wrong ones and remembering when a positive result has been won over a potentially bad one. Our memories cheat us, so we need to write things down. 

Today marks the end of a period when I've been saying 'No Deal'. It's been stressful and much sleep has been lost over these last 11 months. But, through being strong and patiently sitting this out to the end, when it's been so tough - I've now got the result I wanted and deserve. I've not only benefitted in monetary terms, which is of course great, but I've learned a lot about myself in the process too. It takes guts, determination and perseverance to get what we want out of life. 

Too many of us are quick to cave in for what is believed to be an easier life. Knowing what our limits are, will help us to make better decisions. We can't act on these decisions until we've gone through some painful situations. This is a fact of life and the earlier we learn this - the sooner we get better at dealing with the discomfort - and the bigger the payouts will be when we do.

Sports Day

TAKING PART

Watching the 4 year olds compete at their first sports day today, seeing the joy on the parent's faces as their kids crossed the line with their spoon and bean bag, I witnessed first hand how powerful these defining moments are in a child's life. 

So, while it is encouraged to cheer on every child for taking part at these events, it was evidently very difficult to conceal the excitement from the mums and dads as their somewhat bewildered child took the line as a winner and immense relieve certain parents expressed as their child trotted in away from last place. 

Winners

It was a wonderfully amusing and at the same time very human base-level, survival spectacle which will have imprinted something on that child's character that will either give them a solid foundation of self confidence or, if we're not careful, a fear of failure. We put so much importance on winning as it's a survival instinct built in to our genetic makeup. Nowhere more so than the kids sports day, do we see these human traits in their rawest form. But if we remove the competitive element, what do we gain from watching some exercise in the park?

Even if we try and kid ourselves that it's just the taking part, seeing your child take the line and pick up a gold medal in front of all the other class mates, teachers and parents, is a defining moment not only for parents but in that child and every other child's development one way or other - either a mark for already having success, achieving success again or a measure to strive for success in the future.

Minding Mindsets

FORMING NOT FOLLOWING

We have a set of beliefs that make up who we are and this belief system is our mindset. Born with a clean slate, like a computer, we have been programmed through early contact with our family unit, schooling institutes, peers and life experiences. Essentially, it is this core mindset that permeates through everything we do, affecting the outcome in all our endeavours.

If we can identify these set patterns, that repeat throughout our lives, we can better see those traits which bring either success or failure. With focussed awareness, we can train ourselves to switch over to the right path for attaining wins and when we see repeated failure, replace the wrong mindsets with new positive ones.

This book by Carol Dweek called Mindset: How you can fulfil your potential will enlighten us all to see past the myth that talent is key and focus on the facts that having a winning mindset is the recipe for success.

Doubling Down

BAD BEATS GOOD

Apparently, when we have something bad happen - it takes 2.5 good things to make up for the bad. That is why when gamblers lose on the roulette or blackjack table, they double down to recoup their losses. If, like me, you're trying to get an advantage with day trading, the same rules apply. Hence why a small couple of losses have put my head in the sand.

We are all hard-wired this way. We're afraid of losses and this article covering The Psychology of Loss is really helpful if we're to better understand how to work against our fears in order to make gains and ultimately successes before loss aversion sets in. To overcome loss aversion, we need to take control of our fragile ego and this great article about developing the will to win, can help us take the rights steps.

Why Compromise?

TAKING HALF MEASURES

There's many times when a compromise will be the best scenario for keeping the peace/balance. However, we can't please everyone all the time by finding a middle ground and why should we if nobody gets what they really want? There's no point living by half measures!

My partner and I are pretty well aligned in our goals and have a level of ambition that benefits both in our decisions for achieving results. However, even those in the most harmonious partnerships will have their individual preferences and objectives that don't perfectly align - as will those making collaborations with friends, colleagues and other circles we move in. The fact of the matter is - we can't live meaningful existences if we're always making compromises. We have to play out our lives with integrity, which means being true to ourselves and others about what we want. In a relationship, this can be something as fundamental as making a decision whether or not to have children. It can also be taken down to a micro-level. ie. making decisions on food/drink, sleep, social & time spent doing essential tasks or the things that entertain or benefit us physically/mentally. And, providing we accept that each needs to allow the other to have what makes them happy, we can still be together, aligned to our paths and mutually happy.

Collaboration
Considering the needs of others is essential for success, even for those who act with extreme single-mindedness. Goal seekers/winners and high achievers can alienate themselves by ignoring the needs of others. It can be a lonely place. And without understanding that there are alternative viewpoints, there can be no measure of success. Because, working towards goals needs a reference point to start from. Connecting with others to establish a footing on progress - works either as a springboard for reinforcing one's own resolve, or as a way to present and learn a different and at times equally beneficial or better way for achieving what we all want. So collaboration is essential - as long as the result ensures both have a winning solution at the end.

Strategic moves

LIFE IS A CHESS GAME

There are people who play it and other less smarter people who get played. I mentioned in an earlier post that life is a game. It is - and if we want to have a better chance of succeeding in the game of life, we can create an advantage by thinking more before acting and planning ahead. We need to have a strategy.

Stay Sharp

In order to implement our strategy well, we need to be 'switched-on'. Chances are, if you're prone to day dreaming, wrongly believe that others have your interests covered or you're just used to being reactive rather than proactive, you'll likely have a few stories where things have not gone your way. Some may say they're unlucky but I truly believe you make your own luck in life. 

We are constantly battling against outside forces to ensure the majority of our waking hours are positive & happy. There's so many things that can 'crop up' without warning to affect our day. So it makes sense to be mindful of as many potential hiccups before they happen. Some days, we know there's just going to be tough situations coming up and in order to rise above these daily challenges - we have to be alert and ready for battle. This means having good food, sleep and time to prepare ourselves to be in a focussed state of mind.

A lot of people seem to think I'm carefree, happy-go-lucky or worse, unconcerned and clueless to what's going on around me. Thing is - I'm actually a very thoughtful and 'secretly boring' person. I am very organised and efficient - to the point of obsessiveness. I use this side of my character to structure my life but I don't really want my friends to know I'm an OCD nutcase, so I keep this side hidden away from sight. 

That's why it often appears that I'm relaxed and easy-going - because I've already taken my role play situations - ie. acted out a few future moves in my mind, assessed likely outcomes, looked at the 'what if's' and predicted the end game. In this process, I've reasoned how important certain things really are to me and how they will affect other 'pieces' or people in the move/game. 

Just like a Grand Chess Master, I'll imagine different scenarios/outcomes - to remove any unforeseen surprises and any consequent emotional responses like frustration or anger from surfacing. The major benefits of thinking this way are that you've already placed allowances for damage limitation. If there's time/energy required for managing other's expectations or potential disappointments that could have arisen from those outcomes - you'll be set up because you've been smart enough to factor in some contingency plans. The result being - even if things don't go entirely as planned - there should still be a positive mind set and ultimately success in the end.