Communication Limitation

EMOTIONAL RESPONSE

There's times when speaking our minds will be the right thing to do. It's knowing when it's right to communicate our opinions, that we can avert a potential disaster from occurring. Emotions will play a hand in every thing we say and do, so it pays to be aware of them to make the right decisions to speak up or not.

It's tough keeping our opinions to ourselves when we really want to let them out. We need an exceptional strength of mind and an elevated level of self control at those times when communication will do us no favours. 

When we are intoxicated, tired, stressed and the emotions are running high - this is when we are at the greatest risk. It's often after the emotions have passed that regret creeps in because we've said and done the wrong things. 

This is where yoga, meditation and breath focus will help distract us away from our negative thoughts and steer us to calmer controlled emotional states. It's this place of reason that we need to come from when we make those replies. 

Access Denied

These days, it's all too easy to make that mistake of communication when we shouldn't. So we need to make sure there's no smartphone, iPad or computer to hand. This will be that time a regretful connection via the Internet; facebook post, tweet, email or text can easily be pumped out into the ether, or phone call can be made that puts us in a bad situation. 

Do As I Do

OR DO AS I SAY

People like to go their own way. They may seem to be taking valuable advice, but still not heed it. They don't want to do things my or your way. They would sooner do it their own way - even if it's wrong. They can't trust the fact that we may have had a beneficial learning experience and therefore in a better position to pass that knowledge on. But this is nothing unusual. Trust is a valuable commodity that has to be earned and the art of convincing takes time to learn.

Youngsters, it seems, are know-it-alls by 25. They have little focus and constantly flit around. This is because they can. They're young. They have the luxury of having time on their side to learn from mistakes. But being older doesn't necessarily mean being any the wiser either. Many older people are holding on to the errors made in their earlier years and have become stuck in their ways - stubborn and inflexible to change. They stick to what they know even when it's clearly not paying dividends.

Generally, I'm a lone wolf rather than a team player. I don't blindly take other people's advice, but I do try to find the best way of accomplishing things by following another's advice. I tend to go with what I know best, but ultimately, it's my way or the high way a lot of the time. So it follows that for a lot of the time, I'm alone on my highway. This is a shame, because I believe I've made some marked success in what I do. But it's not always the easy or the conformed way of doing things, so many prefer to take their own conventional route rather than risk relying on me. And it's this questioning of my competence, ability and expertise that I find frustrating. It wears me down and hence why I'm often doing things my own way. There's only so much effort we can put in to convince others to join our way of thinking. But, because I'd really like to give something back to the human race, I'm going to require some patience in order to learn how to best convince others.

Conviction At Work

It takes a multitude of communications skills to win people over. Without these skills, we can fail to convince others of our wants, desires and needs. It's something I've only had a small amount of success with in the past and often been a struggle for me working in the studio as a designer. I will put my best efforts creating something I'm happy with, only to find someone heavily opinionated (not necessarily talented or right), making changes for no real significant gain, possibly compromising the design/idea and/or taking the credit/shirking the blame in the process. They essentially are masters of communication, confidence and conviction. Creative work is always subjective and everyone considers themselves to be a qualified designer or creative on some level. Being a designer, photographer or a writer - the same applies for these professions too. Until you get the credibility, you'll always have to battle to get your opinions heard. We'll never escape the critics and disbelievers - nobody ever does, but through learning the skills of communication to convince others - we'll be heard more of the time.

Training someone for fitness is also just as hard, as people really don't want to listen to the dietary advice or commit to the sessions. The results aren't immediate enough for them and they are quick to give up following our advice. Hence, this is another role where I've become coarse talking on deaf ears. But, at the end of the day, it's because we all think we know best.

Remember The Mentors

There are always going to be others with more experience and skill than us. We need to know who these people are and when to listen to them. I have spent almost a year investigating better ways to improve myself. These newfound ideas are not my own, I have learned them from others. They are easy to discover on your own, but why not look at someone who has discovered them already? My skills for convincing you to believe in me are currently lacking. I will write a book in 2016. I'll give it my best shot and pour my heart & soul into it. I've never written a book before and it might not be any good. But without my powers of communication and confidence, how will my discovered and shared ideas be followed and appreciated?

Humility & Confidence
So it pays to take advice from someone who really knows what they are doing. But we don't like information being force fed to us. Without having some humility - the art of being humble - we could be seen as too arrogant or self-obsessed. Being able to recognise the value, opinions and guidance from a teacher/elder & wiser person - that's the only time when I do as others say. So, we all need to better learn how to give the time, respect, to listen & learn from others, in order to learn how we can make these improvements in ourselves for passing on our own teachings.

Shared Spaces

MAKING NEW AQUAINTENCES

I sat on a train opposite a stranger for 2 hours today. Usually, I'd put my headphones on and keep my head down, but I made a decision to be civil, friendly and see what would happen. 

When we go out of our way to avoid speaking with travel strangers, we could be missing out on some potential benefits. My chance encounter today rewarded me with an intellectual conversation with a very interesting scientist from New York. This man, who'd chosen to sit in 2nd class, was dressed in very ordinary clothes and seemed pretty down to earth on first impressions. The difference in demeanour to my other travel stranger was that he seemed more inclined to chat than the headphone wearing, sultry-faced girl was - and I'm glad we both made the effort. 

He'd worked for major companies like Coke, Nike and a number of massive manufacturing conglomerates. As a technologies director, his understanding of polymers, 3D printing and future advancements in mobile communications, energy systems and connectivity, means he works at the highest level in industry. These companies all need marketing and advertising specialists and now, through this connection made today, I intend to make the most off our brief friendship to further investigate these companies and potentially benefit from finding a new career avenue. 

Who knows what the person sitting opposite you on a train can teach you. By being civil and friendly, a chance encounter can at the least make your journey more pleasant and could lead to something great. So why not make a little effort instead of donning those ear cans...

It's Good To Talk

CALL ME

With the internet here in this modern age, we have even greater power to connect & communicate with practically anyone from across the globe. It's become so easy to converse using an email. Quite often, this is the best way to get something down in words to be kept as reference so communication can be looked back on at a later date.

This is why dealing with insurance companies, councils or anything official like the tax office or DVLA etc. email is the best form of communication - because that's how they work... systematically. But, for really getting the best out of people, it's much better to meet face to face.  greater percentage of what we say, is picked up in body language, facial expressions and tone - with the content taken last. Essentially, it's not what we say, but how we say it. Looking someone in the eye, shaking their hand and being affirmative, polite, friendly... these are all things that are best done in person. It's still how we really make the best connections. For the next best thing - we should pick up the phone.

Happy Talk
We all try our best to get a decent days work done. Some of us are fortunate to have a job we really enjoy - but for the majority, it just pays the bills. So, if you want to get a positive result, call someone and start off by asking how their day is. Be friendly and inquisitive - ask where they are based? Enquire about their surroundings - is it sunny where they are? Talk about the weekend if it's just passed/approaching - and be charming. Make a better connection by sharing the environment across the phone and it will seem like there's no distance between you. If you are are on first name terms, use theirs frequently to make a connection early on. After a bit of chit-chat, put to them your conundrum/problem/request... and make it easier for them to want to help you out. Chances are, if you have an issue with the services this company provide - you won't be the only person who's called with an issue that day and hearing a moaning voice can get everyone down. So stay upbeat as much as you can and stand out as a positive person who they want to focus their best intentions on.

Be Bold
The same can be said about speaking with someone if you are the giver of bad news. An email is not the right delivery method for letting someone down - just as a text is wrong for letting someone go in a relationship. If you can't do it face to face, be bold and pick up the phone. Give the person on the other end a chance to take in the news, vent a bit of frustration and come to terms with the situation. The call can always be shortened by saying that you wanted to pass on the news personally. A follow up email will have all the specifics in it for them to read over afterwards.

Keeping Records Of The Conversations
If it's ever necessary to record a phone call, to use as reference at a later date - a really handy way of doing this is to use iPadio. If the talk is in person and you want it to remain a secret that you're recording the chat, use TSA. Both are available on iPhone and Android.

Communications Management

PHONE ETIQUETTE

It's great having an all-in-one communication device. It's really good for keeping abreast of what our friends are doing and communicating with them when we want to. Trouble is, there's going to be times when we don't want to be communicated with and there also needs to be times when we are not using the phone so we can enjoy what we're doing at that moment - like sharing some quality time with another group of friends.

Unfortunately, a lot of folks just don't have any phone etiquette. They clutch it in their hands, like a security blanket and check on it regularly like a new born baby, oblivious that every moment they check their phone, is a moment taken away from the situation they are already in. They don't realise that it's disrespectful and rude to the friends, family and colleagues they are meant to be with in that present moment. They are being ruled by the phone.

Do Not Disturb
There's a function on iPhone (I'm sure they all have them now) that allows only favourited contacts (like your mum & dad or partner) to get through, pushing everything else to voicemail and keeping any other notifications quiet too. Switching over to this silenced mode is my first thought when I take my phone out to a function and I'll now often keep this mode on while I'm working and whenever I'm needing a bit of quality time to do something like: watch a film, read a book or take a walk in the park.

Everyone should be using this do not disturb function. It will not only help us to stay more focussed on a task to increase productivity, but also improve the quality of moments we share with loved ones.

Mixed Messages

MISUNDERSTOOD

Why aren't schools teaching us to understand the difficulties of communicating with each other? We all need to learn from an early age the fact that as human beings, what we believe we're presenting and what others perceive from us are totally different.

It's amazing that we manage any level of communication at all. We're constantly making up our minds about other people from very biased and limited assumption. ie. the way they look. First impressions really do matter apparently - as we base our assumptions on someone from the very first moment we cast eyes on them. This article I read today, on the topic of being misunderstood has been a revelation for me and it's wise words should be shared with all - so we can all learn to be more understanding towards others and not judge a book by it's cover...

Hear Me Out

IT'S NOT WHAT YOU SAY, IT'S HOW YOU SAY IT

I learned something really effective today. How to get an important message across without saying much and how to grab someone's attention and keep it even though what I was saying had little or no value. Both were by the way I said the words and how I presented myself while delivering them. According to Albert Mehrabian and his 7%-38%-55% rule - we have greater impact communicating through tone of voice and even more with facial expressions than with the words themselves.

So, my weather waffle/chat in the coffee shop today received giggles and lots of eye contact - even though I talked complete nonsense, but all delivered with purpose and a cheery smile....which got me a free drink!