KEEPING A BALANCE
I was talking about beating yourself up yesterday - and how in extreme cases, it can lead to depression. Guys really are finding it tough to express a 'softer' side to their personality, it seems. Talking with a colleague about the role we still mostly play as protector and provider in a family unit (we all know the women are the true leaders in the relationship lol), just yesterday. It's obviously a generalisation - but we agreed men may place high expectations or themselves or have them projected on them by their family and partners. In his case, with two young daughters, he's very much seen (from his perspective) as the strong dad type. He has a lot of pressure to deliver daily in the work place - and he's got pressure from his family and his own inner voice. And apart from those rare 'shed' moments, there's not really a time or a place he can go for reflection and to let it all go. I'm talking about a man retreat. Women have spa days/weekends together, yoga retreats, meet up for coffee/lunch and have magazines that focus on wellbeing - I'm sure there's a whole lot more where they can get support. When I get together with my friends (with a couple of exceptions), it's usually focussed around alcohol, no food and apart from a courtesy Q: 'how's it going?' A: 'yeah, good, you?' – there's very little discussion on how we're really feeling - the topic's actually frowned upon. I suspect the reason there's not been a successful man retreat is because we are too scared to admit 'weakness'. If you're reading this and know of one - please mail me...
So regarding balance. I picked up Psychologies Magazine yesterday. It was sitting out of place with all the marketing mags and newspapers (typical reads for the type of job I work in). It's very obviously targeted at women (pictures and colours) but the content is sound reading for everyone. The article I read (see link above), re-affirmed at the end what I'm now doing daily - writing everything down. I'm a graphic designer by trade - and I liked the look of the mag. I'm not a fan of gossip mags necessarily but I often flick through Stylist and I work daily on the design & layouts for other mags read predominantly by women. I'm a big fan of the colours pink and yellow and will get a bit of ribbing from my mates about this. What's the big deal? I figure it's the association to more 'feminine' colours and therefore showing a softer side, that puts other guys on edge.
Personality Types
There's nothing wrong with being a well rounded individual. I find that my personality preferences can make me a bit direct at times and I can come across a bit tough. I certainly look a bit menacing anyway, so I try and keep my appearance 'lighter'. I mix it up by wearing colour and going to my emotional and feeling sides of the brain on a regular basis by reading, watching films and generally asking people how they are - taking a bit of time to genuinely listen and emphasise with their feelings. I found it helpful knowing more about different personality types - and how to talk & work with others or adjust your own traits to be more in-tune to others - maybe giving yourself a couple of variants so you're not always going back to the typical behaviours. There's a free test online - well worth doing (find a couple of other tests to double-check the results). It becomes much easier to see the benefits and pitfalls that affect your mood based on your personality preferences – and could help you achieve a more balanced way of thinking...
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