Celebration Of Life

FOCUS FOR CHANGE 2015 INTO 2016

This is the final day of a great year in which I have learned so much about myself. By keeping a daily blog/diary, I've already grown to be a better version of myself. I've dedicated my time every daily, to learn new insights on psychology to better equip myself with tools and knowledge for successes and for identifying areas where more work is needed. This day marks not the last day of change for 2015, but sets a marker for yet another year of continual development and growth. This day is not only a celebration of what's gone before but also an enthusiastic cheer for discovering much more in 2016!

Becoming A Better Person
At the start of the year, I made a pledge to improve on some of the things that were either lacking or needing fixing. I took a more critical look at the areas for improvement, mentally, physically, financially and better ways to use my time to daily learn ways to become a better, more healthy, wealthy (in more ways than just money), charitable, centred and loving individual. In many ways, so much has already been gained and I will continue to look for ways to build on these accomplishments and make more daily improvements in the coming year. These are the areas I've had success in:

Physically - I have fixed some ailments through my consistent home physio programme, daily Qi Gong, committed Yoga and wisdom gained through reading so many inspirational books.
Mentally - Through self reflection, knowledge gained form reading, mentors & teachers, meeting and speaking with others who are seeking enlightenment and change, I've identified and improved my ways of thinking so they are pre-thought rather than reactive decisions making my day go a certain way.
Financially - Understanding the value of money, spending less, earning through different types of work that I enjoy doing and a strong resolve for tackling large organisations that seek to take or withhold from me - I have become credit card and debt-free. I have greater restraint, better planning and tighter management on finances. Ways and means for moving money around have become more creative and rewarding.
Spiritually - By following the teachings of eastern based philosophies in Yoga and the dedication to the 'one' true path, I have been able to remove myself from many of the problematic, health and wellbeing issues that I've been suffering with. By denying these thoughts the brain time, I've diminished their power and stopped them from interfering in my live. I've also passed on my learnings to others, so they may benefit too.
Intellectually - I've learned to speak another language, touch-type, write more creatively. I understand more about nutrition, physiology and other health enhancing skills through taking a Personal Trainer's course. I have extra skill sets for taking on other roles and a clearer understanding of myself and how to manage my personality to fit with other personalities and situations for harmony and mutual benefits. I've also been far more active with taking notice of political corruption and making a stand, plus encouraging others to do so too.

In all, there's been so much to take in. I will now have to re-look at the 365 days of writing, evaluate what it all means and begin putting everything together in a more comprehensive format. This will be my focus for 2016, so that I may be able to pass on this wealth of knowledge and the concepts that have helped me along the way.

Not Such A Lonely Journey
This year could not have been so great without the support of my significant other - my soul mate, Cathy. She has been my advocate all along the way and my support for what I'm doing. It would also have been a lot harder to stick to the daily writings without the many mentors I've discovered on the journey. My father's unexpected illness has also been a reminder of how life can throw things at you that make planning for the future a far less important factor, when really, we should all be making the most of the time we have to live in the moment. There's no point getting caught up in 'what if's?' from the past or future. It's the steady pace of conviction moving in the right direction that determines the journey's worth and ultimate worthy destination.

So all these positive influences (my dad is thankfully feeling a lot better again) have really helped - but, arguably, without having such a strong negative turning point which motivated me to action - a colossal sign, that has truly inspired me, I may have lost my way pretty quickly. It's an ironic fact, that death, as sad as it is, can inspire us to embrace life.

The Straw That Broke The Camel's Back
I have to give thanks to the individuals (no names given here, but I have you all in my minds eye right now) and the organisation you and I work/worked for - with your actions/non-actions that prompted me to say 'no' and 'I've had enough'. News UK, I wish you and your people every success. Please try and inspire others as you have me, to follow a truer path.

A Reminder Of Life 
Two people that need my greatest thanks, appreciation of their life and recognition of the significance in their untimely deaths - Toby Allnut who died 15.12.15 and Adam Whitehurst 31.12.15 - both, who I worked with at News, who sadly took their own lives. Toby, as I mentioned before on my 15th December post, brought it home to me, immediately after my holiday, at a time when I could have so easily been swept up in the drunken December/Christmas mayhem to lose sight of my holiday resolutions, and Adam - your timing, on the last day of 2014 was for me a bizarre twist of fate. Very likely, around the time I was making my mind up that 'tomorrow, the 1st day of the New Year', was going to see a significant change for happiness and fulfilment in my life....you were making a decision to end yours.

RIP Toby & Adam
You won't be forgotten

Becoming Who We Choose

SELF AFFIRMATION

We make lots of decisions about our lives. If we chose to tell ourself we are great, then we have a better chance of doing great things. Likewise, if we make negative statements about who we are and what we're capable of, we can end up making these beliefs a reality. 

Positive Affirmations 

We need to deflect negative information from others as much as possible and attach to the positive thoughts for defining who we are. The more we can focus on doing this, the better the chance will be of becoming that positive person. 

Our lives unfold over time like the building of a house. The foundations are our childhood. This is when the strength of the base for the mansion we construct will be determined. It is very important to get this right for supporting the rest of the house and keeping it from sinking later on. 

We can't choose our parents and we have no control over what information is put in early on in the build process of our lives. So we have to rely on the work put in to hold up our stately homes later on down the line. 

We all have issues - either superficial ones built up from our adult lives or deep rooted ones from our distant childhood. Likening this back to the house analogy again, these can be minor cracks in the cement or major subsidence under the house. Quite often this will show up as a crack in the wall or dangerous movement and partial collapse. 

Houses with subsidence can be underpinned. This is a major job. Just as dealing with our deep rooted issues will be. Even minor foundation defects can result in some long, hard work to repair if we leave them too long. 

The thing is first to recognise the work, because we can't keep living in this shabby or dangerous abode. The second thing to understand, is that the house can be fixed. It may not be possible to keep everything the same in all cases but in many instances, the hard graft could actually fix and make the foundations even stronger. 

We have the power within us to deal with these problems. They are not us. If we tell ourselves 'we are broken and sick and never going to be better', we affirm what we believe. But, if we can say - 'we are broken, we will fix and can be fixed', then we've acknowledged the issue, made attempts at the repair and know that time invested - albeit hard - will get results. We can use these positive affirmations to make ourselves great. 

Having a poor start in life can affect us in very negative ways. But we just need to detach ourselves from the baggage of life. Don't like the hand we've been dealt? Deal another one. One of the greatest music legends and an inspiration for me of somebody who refused to accept a poor fate - James Brown. He grew up in a brothel, disowned by his parents, yet turned out to be one of the greatest music stars of his time. 

Morning Rituals

SETTING DAILY INTENTIONS

Starting each day with some clear intentions about what we wish to achieve both short and long term, will help us to focus on the goals we are aiming for in life. The best way to to this is to set aside some time for some short morning rituals.

Waking Thoughts

If we get a restful night's sleep, the mornings can be our most productive time of the day. And, if we keep things simple, we are more likely to stick with a regular pattern. There are few things we can do from the moment we wake up:

To start on a positive note and to set clear objectives for the day, turn off your snooze function. When the alarm goes off (or you are well enough rested to wake before it does), follow these steps:
1 Take three very deep breathes. Getting fresh supplies of oxygen into our lungs will be a sure way to signal the brain it's time to get up.
2 With eyes closed, say out loud or in your mind: 'Today is going to be a great day. I am going to make the most of my time. I will not let anyone or any thing take this day away from me.'
3 Count out loud (or in your head) 3-2-1-UP!
4 Jump out of bed.
5 Splash some water in your face, clearing sleep from your eyes
6 Drink a glass of water
7 Look at your day's calendar and todo list then write down your planned objectives for the day

Once you've looked at your tasks, providing you've risen early, you should have time to get the body and mind up to speed for that busy day. Two great ways to prepare mind, body and soul are Qi gong and Yoga. The following 10-20 minute morning rituals should give you the necessary boost of energy to tackle whatever comes your way:

Qi Gong
For a gentle start to the day, with body movements for all ages and breathing, centring techniques, this is a lovely way to start the day. Lee Holden has a great 10 minute video which is for all levels of ability.

Yoga - Sun Salutations
Sun salutations are simple and an effective series of yoga postures that invigorates the whole body. These poses are a great way to focus the mind and gently stretch the body in the quiet moments of the morning and can also be practiced before sleeping to help quieten the mind and encourage a deeper, more refreshing sleep.

Meditation
Sitting or laying still for 10 minutes one or two times a day on waking and before sleeping, will help to centre us before or after a busy day. Allowing some time for ourselves, even if just 10 minutes, is a sure way to keep our minds quiet and relaxed. There are a number of apps for iPhone or Android that will help keep us calm even when we're on the go.

Positive Affirmations
It sounds simple....yet we are all susceptible to it - ie. the influence of other people and the power of words to lift us up or bring us down. It's been clearly shown that our mind and body are closely connected and will be affected by repressed negative feelings and emotions of guilt, anger and frustration etc. We can all be better at being aware when influenced by others but the worst offender is ourself. Tell yourself that you are ill or tired, you will be ill or tired. It's just negative affirmations. A friend of mine is always up for a bit more fun than we should be having on a school night and time again, have we listened to the birdsong on a Tuesday morning and had to go in to work after very little or no sleep. The key is to tell ourselves that we've had a restful 8 hours sleep. The amazing thing is that it really does work! So, to kick off your morning, find a mantra that works for you. Here's one my partner and I chant to each other every morning. ~ay it out loud three times (breathe in and out deeply between each) and really mean it when speaking aloud!

1 I draw unlimited energy into my body.
2 I feel more energised with every second
3 I feel AMAZING!

Create Your Soundtrack
Music is a great medium for lightening a mood, chilling us out or bringing back happy nostalgic memories. Stick on some happy, uplifting music in the morning and create a positive soundtrack for your your day.

The Pressure Of Success

UNDER PRESSURE

We all have pressure on us to perform. Having enough pressure on us is a necessity if we want to reach our goals. We need it or we fail to achieve. Too much pressure and we break down. I've seen first hand how hard it can be to recover from having too much pressure applied over long periods and I'm just a regular guy, living a life like most other people. So it's looking at the immense weight that is put on our sports stars and music/film celebrities that's really highlighted how excessive pressure can affect us and how difficult that must be to deal with.

Criticism and Humiliation
Watching the beautifully crafted new films about Paul Gascoigne and Kurt Cobain - we see how self-destructive our most revered talented and driven people can be - especially when exposed to the media and the wider world to see warts and all. One thing I've drawn from this is how fragile the ego is. My partner and I see it in ourselves from time to time - a lower self-esteem. And whether we are under the spotlight from others or having internal inquisitions, we all still have these torments to face up to.

Our image is what we hold firmly on to for identifying with who we are. It's very fragile. Having confidence in our 'self', in our abilities and focussing on strengthening that 'image' is key for personal growth. If we rely on searching elsewhere for acceptance and appreciation, we risk placing the power in the hands of others. Even if they are our friends, family and loved ones. Because, at low points and without self-acceptance, it's the love from others that restores our confidence and identity, when self-compassion needs to come from within. And without having this shallow projection of 'self' re-affirmed, we lose track of it and what we believe we are.

This was certainly true of Kurt Cobain. Rejection and lack of appreciation or acceptance of his intensely creative talents coming from his family, contributed to a mindset that became destructive the more his image and identity was left to the critics and press to tear at. As the pressure mounted, the weakened Cobain turned towards a way out.

Great talents are nurtured in those driven to achieve success, through the right type of pressure. Sometimes this pressure, if mis-directed, becomes too much to withstand and can derail those without strong self-control and compassion from a positive path, to addiction and self destruction. How do some manage better than others to keep their heads?

Touched by the hand of God
Maradona, touched with a real talent for playing football, a crafty intelligence and charisma for dealing with the media, has somehow managed to keep his sanity and health, although being publicly disgraced for drug addiction and cheating. Under immense pressure at periods throughout his career, he never really had the assistance of management or a publicist like today's stars do, yet through all the negative publicity, press and widely seen footage from his darkest days, he has managed to recover from life-threatening addictions and lives a happy family life today - whilst still being revered as one of the greatest players in footballing history and widely recognised for scoring the greatest World Cup goal in 1986. Even strongly confronted with the fact that he cheated England with a hand-ball to score a game-changing goal - he still has no remorse and actually takes pride in his actions. He obviously has very strong self-belief. This I find amazing - as looking back at Paul Gascoigne in Italia World Cup 1990 at a period in English football when the pressure and dreams of success came to a sad end in the Semi-final penalty shoot out with Germany, you can see where this result weighed heavy on the nation's football stars - and very likely, the nation as a whole, even to this day.

I'm not really what you'd call a typical football fan - yet I still get emotional watching (and re-living) the games from the World Cup and the moment when 'the nation so nearly succeeded'. Incredible, the value placed on the outcome from this sporting event and the stars themselves.

In the years that followed, the pressure from the British media, injuries sustained and alcohol self-abuse that Paul endured (and still battles with), have taken him on a dark path. And watching accounts from other successful sports stars like Mike Tyson and George Best - all falling prey to addiction and lost identities - it's revealing to see how important self belief is for protecting ourselves from outside influences and just how damaging our inner demons can be if we don't take control of them.

Self belief for success
Taking action for bolstering our self-esteem, self-confidence and towards creating a tougher shell to better deflect unwanted criticism plus building a virtual volume control switch for muting that destructive inner voice, will make us stronger and more capable for dealing with those down days. It's amazing how something so small can linger in our minds and sub-consciously chip away at our confidence. Practising techniques like those mentioned by Leo Babauta in the link above or some of the helpful others mentioned here in this informative post, can help us to be strong.

The power of knowledge
Something I use daily, for increasing my power of self belief - is to focus on learning. Researching, reading, comparing what I've learned to what I believe as a way to either confirm or re-affirm what I already know or to glean something insightful and empowering anew and add this to my knowledge banks. This increases confidence. I accept my weaknesses and try to learn how I can improve on them. Writing down my learnings and affirmations every day - and using these to refer against, helps me to realise what I have at my disposal and keeps me focussed on increasing my potential and therefore my self-confidence for being better at dealing with pressure.