Shirking Responsibilities

HOT POTATO

In yoga they teach us how to avoid getting caught up in the emotions and sways of everyday life. It's difficult to remove ourselves from the day to day roller coaster, especially when we're caught up in the rush hour, stressed through delayed/cancelled public transport or crushed with someone's armpit in our faces - the things that are mostly out of our control. That's why it's important to practise methods for detaching ourselves to the negative things that potentially harm us and deplete our energy.

I get the impression that yogis don't negotiate their way on public transport in rush hour that much and I don't think they spend much time in office environments either. Maybe that's why they chose being a yoga instructor over an office based career, because they wanted to detach themselves from that daily assault that most of us have to put ourselves through...

So, if we can endure the daily commute during rush hour without getting affected, we are already using avoidance techniques. It's these methods that we can also employ for use in other situations too. One of the big stresses in our lives is work and that's where we need to find our best methods for detachment away from stress created and multiplied by others involved in the projects we collectively work on.

One of these techniques for detachment used by certain individuals in the work place, I call the hot potato. This is essentially where someone shirks their responsibilities by diverting the work onto their colleagues. This is not a helpful technique for those on the receiving end and arguably one of the greatest stresses we'll encounter - especially with those really hot potatoes!

It's a bit like the game of pass-the-parcel from nursery school. But instead of a toy in wrapping paper, imagine a hot ball of energy, that we all carefully take turns with. As we pass on hand to hand, each turn partially diffuses the heat as we all take our role holding it. Now picture when one person essentially bats it on to the next recipient without skimming some of the accumulated energy. Without energy being dissipated through the group's collective responsibilities, the energy ball grows hotter as it gains greater momentum. This creates an energy 'spike' and a potentially stressful situation for the following person/people to try and manage. More energy is used up and because the recipient wasn't prepared - their energy reserves are tapped into and depleted.

I witnessed this phenomena first hand in a group where I was working yesterday. One person's role was compromised, likely because they are now leaving their job for a new one. They had shirked their responsibilities and taken a day off without taking enough care to ensure their part within the team had been completed or covered with extra resources. This obviously affected the next two people further along in the chain. But everyone in this collective was affected to a degree as the stress-bomb hot potato takes it's toll on all that are close to it.

Some people can help avert a stress-bomb like this - whereas others will just pass on the potato making it even hotter. It's important to have advance awareness of these types of stress situations and know the people that potentially cause them. Because recognising when this situation arises and averting the damage caused well before the hot potato comes hurtling our way, will be one of the greatest stress avoidance techniques we'll master in life.

Punctuality

CLOCK WATCHING

Being mindful of the time can mean a lot. Want to do well at work? Be punctual. Because, just being on time is all that some people will ever ask of you.

Being on time, sends out the message of professionalism and respect. Punctuality means consideration for others' needs will be met. Precision and attention to details - a consistency for doing hard work and reliability. This will be the message received - all without doing anything other than being somewhere when you say you will be. 

Getting into the habit of being on time, takes nothing more than setting a time and then sticking to it. Yet many cannot keep to something so very simple. This because they have become used to throwing out excuses why they are late. 

Blaming Others

We all do it. If we can shoulder blame elsewhere, we will - especially on our partners. It makes us think we're doing the right thing and someone else isn't, when in fact, the partnership is mutually flawed. Thing is, when timings are mentioned without consideration for factoring in the needs of the other parties involved, we tend to allow time slippage to happen without making prior allowances for it. So, once a time has been agreed, this agreement should also make allowance for some contingency too. That way, unforeseen circumstances can be adjusted for and countered against without the need for blame. The contingency plan means we'll still be on time too.

Removing the Badge

I've been late on many occasions and so has my partner. Without realising it, we've now allowed ourselves to become labelled as those people who are constantly late. It's become expected of us. My partner will blame me and me her. And no matter how hard I now try to be on time, this label has become firmly fixed. Because we are one unit in our friend's eyes, we are both tarred with the same brush and it will take a lot of hard work for us both to remove this slight on our characters.

Consistency is the Key
If I'm to remove my always late badge - I need to first establish clear timings in advance. This starts from the moment I wake up. Deciding the night before on having a clear time to get up plus establishing a mutual & definite morning routine for exercise, eating, ablutions and preparation for the day, means a routine (with some factored-in contingency) can easily be set and adhered to without deviations from the set timings. 

If this structure can be retained over days/weeks - the chances of sticking to it over longer periods of time will be increased and a new focus on sticking to timings will be established. 

Definite Timings

Agreement in advance is paramount for keeping good timings. We now have shared diaries for collaborative events. Timings are there for all to see. So if they aren't working, this needs to be addressed. If timings cannot be mutually kept, then individual times need to be established. If only one member of the partnership is on time, it's still a late blip in the eyes of the third party. So agree definite times even if they are staggered and be clear with whoever is meeting up that these are agreeable for all. 

I pledge to always be on time (from today)

Be serious about this new pledge to make it stick. I've now told myself that the new regime will be started from today. This has also been agreed with all parties concerned (namely, my partner). And just like a business contract, this will be continually assessed to ensure punctuality is adhered to from this day onwards. 

The Difinitive Rules For Engagement

THE HANDSHAKE

As a guy, I find it easy to make friends, diffuse a tricky situation, form allegiances on business and secure a partnership or deal, all with an old established bond of trust. One given by extending the handshake.

This brief touch of the hands is said to originate as a gesture to show no weapons in the hand but also as a first contact, releases a bonding hormone called Oxytocin. I generally go for the firm but not too crushing type and look the other person squarely in the eyes and smile. Nothing too fancy (like these OTT ones from Buzzfeed), familiar or overbearing, but a human bonding and clear sign of trust. This same method applies to both men and women and this show of equality across the sexes has gotten me some good results. It's a greatly under-valued communicative tool for everything. Just make sure you're giving the right impression when shaking as there's many ways to get it wrong!

Recognising Equality
It's the other simple factor for getting the rules of engagement right. I've already covered this subject somewhat in a previous post but I'll go over it again here, as the importance of engaging with someone, recognising their space and presence...and being sympathetic to their requirements and needs, will instantly break down barriers. So important in new situations and practiced by business leaders and ambassadors the world over (clearly more work needed by UK Prime Minister, David Cameron in video FAIL above). We are all equals at the end of the day and remembering this little fact when we want to get somewhere, something or have a situation go in our favour, in order to come out the other side winning - is often all we need. And all can be obtained through applying very little effort.

Coupled with a handshake and a smile, doors will open and opportunities will present themselves. Think of it as a subtle form of 'charm'. You may not have the 'razzle-dazzle' of a charmer and you may come off as a little bit underwhelming at first, but provided you have the time and engagement skills to show a little more charm thereafter, you'll be perceived as a solid and reliable person that can be warmed to - rather than a promising early encounter with a hollow core...