Helping Friends

BACK TO NORMALITY

We all like to enjoy cutting loose from time to time. It's great to hook up with friends to get in the party mood and that's pretty much what this summer has been all about. But when we're in a relationship or have kids and we have work priorities to deal with, there will need to be some reining in, in order to function at an acceptable level. Having responsibilities is what keeps us in check.

Some of our single friends, without kids or even without the restraints of a serious job, will be getting out of control more than they should be. It can be a good time for so long before it becomes a problem. Because, without a significant other around to rein us in, it's up to our close friends to step up and re-align us to a more balanced lifestyle.

The tricky bit is to keep the fun side to the relationship going whilst also introducing some new routines, healthy lifestyle options and some responsible ideals and goals that will engage their attention enough to pull them back to normality but this is where true friendship comes to play. Single mates may be seen to be having more fun, but a lot are just looking for that special 'one' so may feel missed out as the only single in the group of friends, therefore we should be mindful of their happiness and give them more support.

Keeping an eye on the Calendar

PLANNING DOWN DAYS

Something as simple as making plans for some extra recovery time after a fun-filled boozy weekend is all we need if we wish to stay on top of the hangovers and illness picked up from overdoing the partying. Yet, this is rarely been something I've looked at in the past.

By taking a regular look at a diary, blocking out the weekend's activity and forward-planning the week ahead, we can all make better decisions for when and how long we want to push the fun limits. We can then make a good judgement call with a measure taken against the importance of having a functioning brain for the week and for better taking on our responsibilities where anything less than being on our game will suffice.

Therefore, every Sunday afternoon, I now look at my diary for the week. All mutual diary events shared with my partner have to be agreed in advance and shared, but if there's events planned that aren't showing, they may be crossed off altogether. This means both of us are now much more on the ball with our timings and coupled with a new attitude towards freelancing/portfolio working and being punctual, makes for a much better way of managing life to counter having any sick down days.

Summer's Peak

AUGUST BANK HOLIDAY

The last of the year's bank holidays comes with mixed feelings. Easter felt like a moment ago and now we're already at the end of August. The time is going so fast and life is feeling so short. It's been a good year so far and the summer has been fun, yet, the bank holiday in August always feels to me like a desperate attempt to capture the last of good times before the nights draw in. It's actually still the peak of summer and we have plenty of time before autumn sets in again, so we should keep the keep the spirits high without going too hard with the party action.

I always seek to find alternative ways of doing the August long weekend, in some ways to avoid the madness and make it last but also to break the chain of waking half dead on a Tuesday. The options are always the same. Get away or stay in town. The roads, airports, trains are full, expensive and stressful places to be. The destinations are often awash with the die hard family fun seekers - their quest to keep the kids entertained at all costs, or the city escapees - avoiding being caught up in the inner-city endurance test that will be the Notting Hill Carnival or one of the many other festivals going on around the cities and towns.

I'm sure one day, I'll manage a stroll in the park, a read of a book by a brook or a quiet potter in the garden. Hopefully, if I get another 20-30+ summers, this kind of activity will be enjoyed in the last 10 years. For now, it's a mix of clearing some chores off the to do list, grabbing some me-time to read, write, play music and juggle friends, partying and fitting in some rest - so not to feel so rotten come Tuesday.

Wasted Talent

TALENT WITHOUT DISCIPLINE

Kirkland Laing had a gift. He was a naturally talented boxer who took on and beat the legendary boxer Roberto Duran in 1982. Kirkland, a Jamaican immigrant from Nottingham, who grew up in the poor parts of East London, had the prospect of becoming a success as one of the greatest British boxers, which would have brought Kirkland fame and fortune. But, Kirkland was someone who did things his own way and despite the best intentions of those closest to him to curb his partying antics (often going at it hard the night before a bout), he managed to blow his money and any future of making the millions of pounds so deserved of a gifted fighter. After beating Duran, he went on a year-long partying spree at the point when he should have focussed on becoming a world champion. Kirkland eventually slipped into obscurity, filling his days with gambling, drink and drugs. He could have taken a different path, but he lacked an important tool that talent needs in order to shine out - self-discipline.

Kirkland talked in this video about one day giving up his partying ways and writing a book on his life. A book has been written, but not by Laing. It's called 'The Gifted One' by Oliver Jarrett. This story of greatness unrealised is the same story we all can have played out in our lives if we allow it. Planning out our fun times to fit around much needed work focus can be achieved through having daily assessments and checks, insuring we never lose track of our intended life path.

Fun Allowances

KEEPING THE FUN TIMES IN CHECK

The Summer is a special time. It's an opportunity to venture outside more when the days are longer and brighter, to share experiences with our family and friends. 

This year, I've made a pact with myself to mindfully focus on making changes to my life. The years are rolling by and for the most part, I seem to have been living on autopilot. For sure there's been a lot of fun having a lot of fun, but now's the time to make better decisions to really make something of the coming years.

Whoever said you can never have too much fun, doesn't know how to really push it...because having fun can be tiring. And having so much fun that your brain is numb from the excessive partying, means the fun stops. And if you have some work priorities to deal with, this means the responsibilities fall by the wayside. August 17th is my other halve's birthday and it's always a lot of fun - but it starts beginning August and goes on for the whole month. So, August is always a measure of the fun levels. Right now I'm tipping on the burnout scales. Fun is costly too, so I think August is one of the most expensive months of the year for me. I'm now going to need a frugal few months just to get back in good financial health!

Next year is my girlfriend's 40. That means an even bigger celebration. So rather than start the summer in May, I'll look at having just a 1-3 month Summer of fun and use the time better for something constructive instead. That may entail taking on some project that needs full attention and commitment to keep me out of trouble but that will be my new quest going forward

Bingeing

GLUTTONS

We're getting fatter. Obesity levels are rising – over half of the population of the UK are overweight or obese and 1/3 of the world's population are overweight and figures are set to increase. Apparently we take on an additional 580 calories a day in snacks alone. When I look back at family pictures from the 70's, everyone is super skinny. Not so any more. What's changed?

Choice and convenience. Too much and too easy. We're constantly being bombarded with clever marketing about food and it's becoming increasingly difficult to exert the willpower to stop ourselves grabbing a flapjack at 11 and a mocha and having a chocolate bar for mid afternoon snack and a pack of crisps with a pint (or 2/3) after work. Having so much choice and having it so readily available, means, unless we're mindful of these choices, the quality of the food we ingest is also going to be another major factor for growing our waistline and increasing the risk of illness.

The Quick Fix
Fast food and the quick fix solution are what we are choosing over having considered and quality alternatives. As well as having an impact on our food choices - the immediate fix for taking on new information has also meant we're ingesting far more info in the form of tweets, emails, RSS feeds, SMS, IM's - and with our news and updates coming through as small, easily absorbed chunks - we're gorging ourselves without any real thought about the value or quality of this information and the impact it has on our lives.

Everyone is working faster, cramming more into a day - trying to keep on top of the work / live balance and have enough energy to get it all done. We're going to make ourselves ill if we don't take more time to rest and reflect. We need to stop, look up from what we're caught up in, take some deep breaths and really think about what we're absorbing. Do we really need that flapjack – at a massive 440 Calories, high in both sugar and fat? No. Do we really need Facebook notifications or Twitter updates and emails distracting us from a family meal or something equally important. No.

Calming the mind
I found that my attention span was getting shorter and my thoughts jumping around too much to allow any greater thoughts for creativity to flow - all as a result of having constant bombardment from my iPhone and other connected devices. I've now turned off all notifications on computer and smart devices, removed myself from every newsletter subscription that isn't required, changed email settings to only check when I want to check them and will regularly switch to 'do not disturb' or even leave my phone switched off when at meal times, in a social environment or working on something that requires focus like reading a book, watching a film or generally relaxing. I avoid looking at any trashy newspapers/magazines/fanzines or blogs at all and do not watch TV. I have adblock installed on my computer and will only limit myself to certain times when I can 'surf' the internet.

Apparently, the time it will take to reset my mind in order for it to operate once again at a calmer level, will take some months to reset. A holiday will help but it's a lifestyle change that is required for setting up the mind to function well and I'm sure this is something a vast proportion of the population need to be doing too. Many are completely unaware of the lasting effects that bingeing on fast food and quick-fix information will have on their wellbeing and the more I see, hear and read about - the more I can observe it happening on a grand scale. 

I'm sure there will be a change coming about one day soon - either naturally as people tire of being 'connected' 24/7 or governments and working organisations will realise their workers are sick and unproductive and will implement some new rules and regulations.